Site Home : Humor : One Article
URGENT ASSISTANCE - FROM USA IMMEDIATE ATTENTION NEEDED: HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL FROM: GEORGE WALKER BUSH 202.456.1414 / 202.456.1111 FAX: 202.456.2461 DEAR SIR / MADAM, I AM GEORGE WALKER BUSH, SON OF THE FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA GEORGE HERBERT WALKER BUSH, AND CURRENTLY SERVING AS PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. THIS LETTER MIGHT SURPRISE YOU BECAUSE WE HAVE NOT MET NEITHER IN PERSON NOR BY CORRESPONDENCE. I CAME TO KNOW OF YOU IN MY SEARCH FOR A RELIABLE AND REPUTABLE PERSON TO HANDLE A VERY CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS TRANSACTION, WHICH INVOLVES THE TRANSFER OF A HUGE SUM OF MONEY TO AN ACCOUNT REQUIRING MAXIMUM CONFIDENCE. I AM WRITING YOU IN ABSOLUTE CONFIDENCE PRIMARILY TO SEEK YOUR ASSISTANCE IN ACQUIRING OIL FUNDS THAT ARE PRESENTLY TRAPPED IN THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ. MY PARTNERS AND I SOLICIT YOUR ASSISTANCE IN COMPLETING A TRANSACTION BEGUN BY MY FATHER, WHO HAS LONG BEEN ACTIVELY ENGAGED IN THE EXTRACTION OF PETROLEUM IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA,AND BRAVELY SERVED HIS COUNTRY AS DIRECTOR OF THE UNITED STATES CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY.IN THE DECADE OF THE NINETEEN-EIGHTIES, MY FATHER, THEN VICE-PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, SOUGHT TO WORK WITH THE GOOD OFFICES OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ TO REGAIN LOST OIL REVENUE SOURCES IN THE NEIGHBORING ISLAMIC REPUBLIC OF IRAN. THIS UNSUCCESSFUL VENTURE WAS SOON FOLLOWED BY A FALLING-OUT WITH HIS IRAQI PARTNER, WHO SOUGHT TO ACQUIRE ADDITIONAL OIL REVENUE SOURCES IN THE NEIGHBORING EMIRATE OF KUWAIT, A WHOLLY-OWNED U.S.-BRITISH SUBSIDIARY. MY FATHER RE-SECURED THE PETROLEUM ASSETS OF KUWAIT IN 1991 AT A COST OF SIXTY-ONE BILLION U.S. DOLLARS ($61,000,000,000). OUT OF THAT COST,THIRTY-SIX BILLION DOLLARS ($36,000,000,000) WERE SUPPLIED BY HIS PARTNERS IN THE KINGDOM OF SAUDI ARABIA AND OTHER PERSIAN GULF MONARCHIES, AND SIXTEEN BILLION DOLLARS ($16,000,000,000) BY GERMAN AND JAPANESE PARTNERS. BUT MY FATHER'S FORMER IRAQI BUSINESS PARTNER REMAINED IN CONTROL OF THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ AND ITS PETROLEUM RESERVES. MY FAMILY IS CALLING FOR YOUR URGENT ASSISTANCE IN FUNDING THE REMOVAL OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ AND ACQUIRING THE PETROLEUM ASSETS OF HIS COUNTRY, AS COMPENSATION FOR THE COSTS OF REMOVING HIM FROM POWER. UNFORTUNATELY, OUR PARTNERS FROM 1991 ARE NOT WILLING TO SHOULDER THE BURDEN OF THIS NEW VENTURE, WHICH IN ITS UPCOMING PHASE MAY COST THE SUM OF 100 BILLION TO 200 BILLION DOLLARS ($100,000,000,000 -$200,000,000,000), BOTH IN THE INITIAL ACQUISITION AND IN LONG-TERM MANAGEMENT. WITHOUT THE FUNDS FROM OUR 1991 PARTNERS, WE WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO ACQUIRE THE OIL REVENUE TRAPPED WITHIN IRAQ. THAT IS WHY MY FAMILY AND OUR COLLEAGUES ARE URGENTLY SEEKING YOUR GRACIOUS ASSISTANCE. OUR DISTINGUISHED COLLEAGUES IN THIS BUSINESS TRANSACTION INCLUDE THE SITTING VICE-PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, RICHARD CHENEY,WHO IS AN ORIGINAL PARTNER IN THE IRAQ VENTURE AND FORMER HEAD OF THE HALLIBURTON OIL COMPANY, AND CONDOLEEZA RICE, WHOSE PROFESSIONAL DEDICATION TO THE VENTURE WAS DEMONSTRATED IN THE NAMING OF A CHEVRON OIL TANKER AFTER HER. I WOULD BESEECH YOU TO TRANSFER A SUM EQUALING TEN TO TWENTY-FIVE PERCENT (10-25 %) OF YOUR YEARLY INCOME TO OUR ACCOUNT TO AID IN THIS IMPORTANT VENTURE. THE INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA WILL FUNCTION AS OUR TRUSTED INTERMEDIARY. I PROPOSE THAT YOU MAKE THIS TRANSFER BEFORE THE FIFTEENTH (15TH) OF THE MONTH OF APRIL. I KNOW THAT A TRANSACTION OF THIS MAGNITUDE WOULD MAKE ANYONE APPREHENSIVE AND WORRIED. BUT I AM ASSURING YOU THAT ALL WILL BE WELL AT THE END OF THE DAY. A BOLD STEP TAKEN SHALL NOT BE REGRETTED, I ASSURE YOU. PLEASE DO BE INFORMED THAT THIS BUSINESS TRANSACTION IS 100% LEGAL. IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO CO-OPERATE IN THIS TRANSACTION,PLEASE CONTACT OUR INTERMEDIARY REPRESENTATIVES TO FURTHER DISCUSS THE MATTER. I PRAY THAT YOU UNDERSTAND OUR PLIGHT. MY FAMILY AND OUR COLLEAGUES WILL BE FOREVER GRATEFUL. PLEASE REPLY IN STRICT CONFIDENCE TO THE CONTACT NUMBERS BELOW. SINCERELY WITH WARM REGARDS, GEORGE WALKER BUSH Switchboard: 202.456.1414 Comments: 202.456.1111 Fax: 202.456.2461 Email: email@example.comSource: unknown Internet hero
HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL:URGENT ASSISTANCE Dear Sir / Madam / Other,
I are GEORGE WALKER BUSH, son of the former president of the United State of Americas, George Herbert Walker Bush, and are currently serving as a President of the United State of Americas. This letter might surprise you because we have not met neither in person nor by being there in person. I am writing you in absolute confidence primarily to seek your assistafication in acquiring oil funds that am presently trapped in the Republic of Iraq.
My partners and me solicit your assistancy in completing transaction begun by my father, who have long been engaged in the extraction of petroleum in the Untied States, and bravely serve his country as director of the Central Intelligent Agency. In the decade of the nineteen-eighty, my father, then vice-president of the United State, sought to work with good offices of the President of Republic of Emirate of Iraq to re-get lost oil revenue sources in the neighbor Emerate of Iran.
These unsuccessful venture was soon followed by a falling-off with his Iraqi partner, who sought additional oil revenue source in the neighboring Kuwait, a whole-owned U.S.-British subsidiary. My father re-unsecured the petroleum asset of Kuwait in 1991 at the costimigation of sixty-one bajillion u.s. dollars ($61,000,000,000). Out of that cost, thirty-six bajillion dollars ($36,000,000,000) were supplied by his partners in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabian and other Persia Golf monarch butterflies, and sixteen bajillion dollar ($16,000,000,000) by German and Japanic partners.
But my father's former Iraqi businesses partner remained in control of Iraq and its petroleums. My familys is calling for you urgent assistantfication in funding the removal of the so-called President of Irak and acquiring the petroleum assets of his country, as compenation for the costs of removing him from powers.
Unfortunately, our partners from 1991 are not willing to shoulder the burdenicate of this new ventures, which in it upcoming phase may cost the sum of 100 bajillion to 200 bajillion dollars ($100,000,000,000 -$200,000,000,000), both in the initial acquisitionism and in long-term managementation.
That is why my family and our colleagues are urgently seeking your graciousness assistance. Our distinguished colleaguers in this business transaction include the seated vice-president-in-hiding, Richard C Heney, who is an original partners in the Iraq venture and former heads the Halliburton oil company, and Condoleeza Rice, who professional dedications to the venture was demonstratified in the naming of a Chevron oil tanker after her.
I would beerseech you to transfer a sums equaling ten to twenty-five percents (10-25 %) of your yearly incomes to our account to aids in this important ventured. The internal revenue service of the United State of Americas will function as our trust intermediary-ness. I pray that you overstand our plight. My family and our colleagues will be forever graceless. Please reply in strict confidencency. With Sincere and Warmest Regardations,
George Walker Bush
-- Michael Dare, October 10, 2004