Twelve Days

Deconstructed and now vaguely part of Heather has Two Mommies
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my potential-acquaintance-rape-survivor gave to me,

TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming.

ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note...)

TEN melanin-deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping,

NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,

EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans,

SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,

SIX enslaved fowl-Americans producing stolen nonhuman animal products,

FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration,

(NOTE: after member of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.)

FOUR hours of recorded whale songs,

THREE deconstructionist poets,

TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses

and a Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.

MIT Center for Political Correctness, room NE43-414 / 545 Technology Square / Cambridge, MA 02139 USA / (617) 253-8574

Reader's Comments

hmmmm,i've been insulted by JUST about every type of sentient creature on earth; and now i'm challenged to justify my mere EXISTENCE to the liberal left. being an anglo-saxon male in a cultural expression of sexual slavery with an equally anglo-saxon woperson(hah!)i feel somewhat less than appreciated for my non-efforts at racial integration and expansion of the multichromal race that is replacing the caucasian/asian/negro race by the thousands daily. liberals. shit, i can't stand a liberal. remember libertarianism? what a joke; a complete waste of time and all they did was make SURE Reagan was re-elected, just like that appearance-challenged pair of morons Perot and Forbes did for that slippery goat Bill Clinton when they put on their dog-and-pony show. you want to make things better? READ your "white-male oppressed" history books(not the PC revisionist versions) and LEARN something about how our country was formed and what was sacrificed for your right to make asinine assumptions and knee-jerk rationalizations about "white" culture. fuck a liberal. good day to you and "have a nice day" as the yankees say.

-- curt lee, April 16, 1998
That was a cute piece (12 days). However, the above humor-challenged poster should divert his stress long enough to see that both extremes are just generating excuses and increasing the grey areas so as to hide their respective intelligence-challenged creative deficits.

-- Mark Draper, March 29, 1999
Jeez! Doesn't anybody have a sense of humor anymore? Can't you tell the difference between someone who's making fun of liberal extremists, and someone who's attacking conservatives? (HINT: in case you can't, this page is doing the former.)

And why is it that whenever white males feel threatened, they frequently remind everyone of the "sacrifices" white men have made to give them what they have? If you go and read their vaunted history books, you'll see that women from the MAYFLOWER died of starvation alongside the men that first winter, women helped men clear land for planting as they crossed the Appalachians, women built sod houses and lived in isolation just like men, and when their government wouldn't let them fight, women managed to get the WACs formed and took on manual labor in factories. That's why so many women are defensive: all they want is to have their contributions acknowledged. (And my personal opinion, as a daughter of a Vietnam vet: unless you've actually fought in a war or done something else incredible that might count as a sacrifice for the good of the country, you'd better not be using men like my father as a defense for your whiny, insecure ass.)

In closing: if you're a white male who feels like he's being attacked all the time, perhaps you should consider the possibility that the harrassment is due to another reason, such as you have smelly feet or you look really fat in golf shirts or you're just plain irritating. As a great and wise comedian (whose name I unfortunately forget) once said, "Why hate people as a group when there are so many good reasons to hate them individually?"

-- faye reno, April 9, 1999

Jeez, Faye, don't you have a sense of humour?

-- jim frandsen, September 29, 1999
I agree, lighten up, Faye. Read your note and tell me what the problem is. You are asking that women be remembered for starving, for building sod houses, for working in factories, and so on and so forth. Nothing there is very extrordinary, I'm afraid. If a history books writes about people starving, then by all means mention that men and women, black and white, old and young, rich and poor (whatever is applicable) starved together. If you are writing about notable events, though, factory workers don't often make the grade, male or female. I'm all for equal treatment and respect, but when a decision is made to focus on female factory workers instead of the Mexican-American war, then the treatment is not fair. Minorities/Women with minor achievements are getting much more attention than major events/important figures (who happen to be male/white) just through overcompensation.

-- Matt Witting, March 26, 2001
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