From the January 15, 2007 New Yorker magazine, page 54, in an article on a poorly performing school in Denver, Colorado…. Norberto is a junior in high school. His “elder relations” advise him against college: “If you study too much, you forget to get married until you’re so old that nobody wants you.”
17 thoughts on “College and marriage”
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This is true. More education you have you become less of a team worker or don’t know anything to share any more. I have seen his behavior mainly who went in to sciences or engineering who I used to grow up with. I should say few who went to grad studies still looking for their sole mate. Some got married and marriage never lasted.
I was going to guess it was Manual High School, but Denver Public Schools closed it for the 2006-2007 school year to restructure the program. The small schools initiative was too little, too late for a school that lost its solid test scores after the end of integrated busing.
The advice against college in favor of marriage is very Mexican. My grandfather gave my sister a lot of guff when she announced she was going to complete her Master’s degree before marrying her long-time boyfriend because she wanted to have it done before starting a family. She stuck to her guns and had it her way; the only difference it made was that our younger cousin beat her to having kids, which is of dubious value since my sister and her husband are in a more secure living situation thanks in part to their level of education.
I guess that is what happened to me. Although I have never been accused of studying too hard.
I know this isn’t a polling service of any sort, but I’d be intrigued to know the average age that the good folks who peruse this blog got married.
For the record I am 44 and I have never married. (Much to my parent’s chagrin)
Get married in third or fourth year of college but don’t have kids right away. Works out pretty good!
The average at which I got married is 30 yrs 4 months.
That’s the average of 21, 34 and 46.
b.
The average at which I got married is 26 years, 11 months.
Only one marriage though, and still married 23 years later. We had kids when we were ready, marriage wasn’t a problem even though I went back to college while married.
School or not, as you get older you get more set in your ways. Since marriage by its nature requires compromise, being older can’t help.
I married a workingwoman after 1 year of college. After graduating 3 years later, I started a never-ending process of learning new technology in the computer industry. We waited 16 years before having a child.
I think my only mistake if any has been bashing my brain with bunches of obsolete IT trivia. I am now at age 55 somewhat reluctantly hoping to keep pace for another 20 years fearing Social Security will not provide much security.
I think there is something to be said about (or against, i should say) favoring education over relationships. Everybody is entitled their own preference, but I guess you could say my philosophy is this… “Work (or study) to Live” not “Live to Work (or study”. My wife and I got married just before her senior year of college at CSUF. I also was mid way at becoming a helicopter CFI (flight instructor). Both of us finished our educations and never for a moment regretted getting married and becoming partners in life rather than stalling our relationship for the sake of individual pursuit.
23 and 60 so 46-1/2 average. The daughter just got married at just shy of 30. One grandkid and that is going to be it unless the daughter and her husband want to get going. Out of six kids in our combined family it doesn’t look like we will have a lot of grandkids. Even if the daughter and husband get with the program I will be in my dotage before they will be old enough to ride horses – the wife will be on the ragged edge. That and money are the only special things we have to offer grandkids.
Too bad children want to extend their childhood into their thirtys.
The money is worthless but knowing how to ride a horse is special. Same with skiing and sailing boats. Flying is another special thing to offer grandkids. Everyone in the wife’s family has had a pilots licence and I am the only one in my family who didn’t get one.
Norberto should also remember that in the culture he is from, it is OK to have wider disparities in age between the spouses. So he should study and work hard until about 32, then date all the 22-year-olds he wants until he finds one he wants to marry.
Yes it definitely has its pros and cons which people have to weigh out for themselves. This article may be interesting to some of you if you want to read more about the topic:
http://www.frederica.com/writings/lets-have-more-teen-pregnancy.html
Got married at 21, divorced at 34, bachelors degree at 42 and masters at 44
Financial life would have been much easier if I had done education first, but I would have never married the gal I did.
Birthing kids was relatively easy, none of the problems that my ‘older’ friends have had. Raising them has been challenging due toparent ‘growing up’ along with the kids.
I have ‘strongly’ suggested that my kids all complete their education first.
I wanted someone who was intelligent, educated and some other parameter (interesting, cultured, different, outdoorsman, independent). I met a few intelligent people but only once or twice did I meet someone who possessed all three attributes.
I recently spent some time in Cambridge, Mass. In Cambridge it is possible to get 2 out of the 3 which is good enough for me these days.
I’ll be 40 soon. Am even more over-educated than I used to be. I don’t think I’ll be getting married and I don’t care anymore. Not that I cared all that much before. Perhaps things could have been different if I had just lived in Cambridge for a while–
So coming back to the question of who is more likely to get married, I believe the answer is confounded by location. I didn’t forget to get married. There was just never all that much choice among the local yokels (I’m talking Silicon Valley where I spent most of my marriageble years).
Another thing:
I know lots of guys with limited formal training who are not considered marriage material. Educated men have often have higher paying and more stable jobs and are marriageable–and since most people want to get married at some point, this group tends to be married (though they may have married later in life). For women the dynamics may be a little different. Men seem to care only about a womans appearance. But even there it is funny. If she is stunningly beautiful she may have less of a chance of getting a date than someone who is only above average. And men can’t handle educated intelligent women. Yes, sure there are highly educated, intelligent women out there who are also married but in most of those cases they married when they were young and pretty, and their career success was an unknown.
I have finally realized all these stereotypes are true.
n,
Indeed, location is highly important as you can’t marry someone you’ve never met.
However I think the decrease in marriages by folks like me (35 yrs old, intelligent, educated, etc.) has more to do with the fact that women in my demographic don’t NEED to get married anymore. There’s no compelling financial need to partner up. That only leaves social/romantic reasons to marry and those reasons can be difficult to match up in a couple.
I like to think I meet your criteria, but going back to your first point, you’ve never spent time in St. Louis and I’ve only spent fleeting moments in Boston and/or the bay area.
Ironically enough, I’ll be marrying a woman 9 years younger than me this year who is intelligent, educated, interesting and fun. We met when both of were out of (home)town on business trips.
Too many people go to college. Seriously, do we need many people to get university degrees. I wish we could work on improving K-12 education rather than herding everyone into college.
Probably too many people get married, too.
n, I think that younger people have a lower set of standards and that has more to do with their success at pairing up than anything.
Now that I am single again, I have no compelling reason to get hitched. I am continuing my education, putting in all the hours that I want at work and taking care of my kids. Dating is an infrequent event and marriage is something that I avoid.
If our society was interested in having BOTH educated and married people, then it would do more to enable married young people to complete college.
I went to MIT with Philip, got married to a fellow student the day before I graduated (the week before my 21st birthday), and we are still happily married 24+ years later.
College is the best place to meet a bunch of new people your own age with whom you have some things in common. If you want to get married by your early twenties, going to college is a real good start.
After you get your Bachelor’s, if you want to find a mate you should go out and get a life (alternatively, go to medical or law school, your high social status will make it much easier to find a mate if you’re willing to wait a few years). Getting stuck in grad school would hurt your chances a lot (unless you lived in a town very full of young singles like Boston or NYC).