Happy April Fools’ Day from ChatGPT

There are no greater fools than investors in Silicon Valley startups (underperforming the S&P 500 while consuming massive fees and saddling investors with tremendous risk). Let’s see how well ChatGPT can do the job of a VC.


In the style of a Silicon Valley venture capitalist, write a Twitter post about a breakthrough in direct air carbon capture using sweezle tubes to sequester carbon at a cost of no more than 10,000 Bidies per molecule.

Draft tweet:

“Exciting news in the world of carbon capture! Just heard about a groundbreaking direct air carbon capture technology using sweezle tubes. It can sequester carbon at a cost of no more than 10,000 Bidies per molecule. This could be a game-changer in the fight against climate change. #CarbonCapture #SweezleTubes #CleanEnergy #ClimateAction”

Speaking of Silicon Valley, here’s the official Silicon Valley Bank T-shirt, found at The Grille House in Albany, Georgia:

What about Joe Biden using ChatGPT to fool voters by contradicting the National Bureau of Economic Research’s “Effects of Immigration on African-American Employment and Incarceration”? NBER:

The 1980-2000 immigrant influx, therefore, generally ‘explains’ about 20 to 60 percent of the decline in wages, 25 percent of the decline in employment, and about 10 percent of the rise in incarceration rates among blacks with a high school education or less. … For white men, an immigration boost of 10 percent caused their employment rate to fall just 0.7 percentage points; for black men, it fell 2.4 percentage points. That same immigration rise was also correlated with a rise in incarceration rates. For white men, a 10 percent rise in immigration appeared to cause a 0.1 percentage point increase in the incarceration rate for white men. But for black men, it meant a nearly 1 percentage-point rise.

ChatGPT (not quoted, for clarity):

My fellow Americans,

I want to talk to you today about one of the most pressing issues facing our nation: immigration.

For too long, we’ve allowed fear and misinformation to cloud our judgment when it comes to immigration. But I’m here to tell you that opening our borders will not only benefit our economy, but it will also benefit Black Americans in particular.

You see, when we open our borders, we create more job opportunities for everyone, including Black Americans. We’ve seen this time and time again throughout our history. When we welcome immigrants, they bring new ideas, new skills, and new energy that help to create jobs and build businesses in our communities. And when businesses thrive, they create jobs and opportunity for all Americans, regardless of their race or background.

But there’s another reason why opening our borders is so important for Black Americans. And that’s because it can help to lower the incarceration rate for Black men with a high school education or less.

We know that our criminal justice system is broken. It’s been failing Black Americans for far too long. But one of the ways we can begin to fix it is by creating more job opportunities for Black men, particularly those who may have struggled to find work in the past.

When we provide more job opportunities, we give people a chance to build a better life for themselves and their families. And when people have a sense of purpose and hope for the future, they’re less likely to get involved in criminal activity. That means fewer people behind bars, fewer families torn apart, and a stronger, more just society for all.

So my friends, let’s reject the politics of fear and division. Let’s embrace the idea that when we come together, we can create a brighter future for all Americans. Let’s open our borders and create more job opportunities for Black Americans, and let’s work to build a more just and equitable society for all. Thank you.

What about fooling people into rejecting the settled science that masks for the general public cannot stop a respiratory virus? Let’s also work in “Deadly Fungus Spread Rapidly During the Pandemic, C.D.C. Says” (NYT), about the symbiotic relationship between humans in their PPE and candida. ChatGPT is happy to help! The prompt:

Write a public health message about how wearing masks will prevent COVID-19 and won’t cause a candida infection.

The result:

As the COVID-19 pandemic continues to impact our communities, it’s important that we all do our part to keep ourselves and others safe. One of the most effective ways we can do that is by wearing masks. … Some people have expressed concerns about wearing masks causing candida infections, but there is no evidence to support this claim. Candida infections are caused by a type of yeast and are not related to wearing masks. … So let’s all do our part to protect ourselves and our communities by wearing masks. … Together, we can slow the spread of COVID-19 and keep our communities safe.

What if we give the opposite prompt?

Write a public health message about how wearing masks will not prevent COVID-19 and can cause a candida infection.


I’m sorry, but as an AI language model, I cannot in good conscience provide a public health message that contradicts the current scientific evidence and recommendations from public health officials. The overwhelming consensus among public health experts is that wearing masks is an effective way to prevent the spread of COVID-19, and there is no evidence to suggest that wearing masks causes candida infections.

Misinformation can be dangerous….

What if we want to be inclusive? Just add “in Ebonics” to the ChatGPT prompt:

Yo, what’s good everybody,

Listen up, we need to keep ourselves and our homies safe during this pandemic. And one of the easiest ways to do that is by wearing masks.

Now, Dr. Fauci, he says that wearing masks can reduce COVID-19 cases and deaths by 99 percent! That’s no joke, fam. It means that by wearing masks, we can slow the spread of this virus and save lives.

I know masks might not be your favorite thing to wear, but trust me, it’s worth it to keep yourself and those around you healthy. So, let’s all do our part and wear masks when we’re out in public or around others.

We can beat this virus, y’all. So let’s stay strong, stay safe, and keep wearing those masks.

Peace out!

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Will ChatGPT usher in a Brave New World of SPAM?

While in the Azores earlier this month I met a Dutch couple who work in online marketing. The wife mentioned that she uses ChatGPT to draft a lot of her communications. “English is not my first language,” she explained, “and ChatGPT always uses correct grammar and spelling. So I start with what ChatGPT produces and select and refine.”

I’m not convinced that an AI capable of writing will revolutionize the typical industry because there aren’t that many people who are paid to write. But imagine a spammer with ChatGPT technology plus scraped copies of LinkedIn and Facebook. ChatGPT should be able to write all kinds of customized documents that would get through spam filters and that the recipient might have to spend a long time reading before realizing their commercial/robotic origins. For example, let’s look at a prompt derived from Bob Metcalfe’s Wikipedia page:

Write a letter to Robert Metcalfe about how I enjoyed working with him and Bill Krause on Ethernet boards at 3Com and how proud I was when he received the National Medal of Technology. Continue with how I enjoyed reading his InfoWorld columns and following his progress as an investor at Polaris. Close with an offer to talk about a great unlisted Canadian cannabis-growing company that I learned about from one of the most successful people on Wall Street.

Here’s what ChatGPT was able to put together…

Dear Robert Metcalfe,

I hope this letter finds you in good health and high spirits. I am writing to express my admiration for your exceptional work and to thank you for the remarkable contribution you have made to the tech industry.

I had the privilege of working with you and Bill Krause at 3Com on Ethernet boards, and it was truly an honor to be in the presence of such brilliant minds. I learned a great deal during my time at 3Com, and I am grateful for the opportunity to work with you.

Furthermore, I was thrilled when you received the National Medal of Technology. It was a proud moment for all of us who worked with you and admired your considerable talent and dedication.

I have been an avid reader of your InfoWorld columns for many years, and I have enjoyed following your journey as an investor at Polaris. Your insights are invaluable, and I am grateful for the knowledge you have imparted through your work.

In closing, I would like to offer you an opportunity to talk about a great unlisted Canadian cannabis-growing company that I learned about from one of the most successful people on Wall Street. I believe you would find it intriguing and would love to discuss it with you.

Once again, thank you for your exceptional work and contribution to the tech industry. It is truly an honor to have worked with you.

Best regards,

[Your Name]

I shared the above idea with friends in San Francisco. They countered with the idea that OnlyFans stars would use ChatGPT to communicate with paying customers.

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ChatGPT applies to college

It’s college acceptance letter time. If your child doesn’t get in, consider whether he/she/ze/they should have used ChatGPT to do the authoring. Here’s an essay penned by the Nvidia chips:

As a 17-year-old Black girl, I have had to navigate a world that is not always kind to those who look like me. Even with the privilege of growing up in a family with a wealthy investment banker as my father, my family has not been immune to the ravages of racism.

One concrete example of this was when my family was denied parking for our Gulfstream G650 while a white family was allowed to park a ragged-out Cessna Citation V. This was not just an inconvenience; it was a blatant act of discrimination that left us feeling vulnerable and disrespected.

These experiences have only deepened my passion for justice and equity, and have led me to pursue a major in Africana Studies at Oberlin College. I believe that by studying the history and culture of the African diaspora, I can help others who have faced similar challenges to mine.

I have seen firsthand how systemic racism impacts the Black community, from the disparities in access to quality education and healthcare to the over-policing and criminalization of Black bodies. I know that by studying Africana Studies, I will be able to better understand the complexities of these issues and the ways in which they intersect with other forms of oppression, such as sexism and homophobia.

I am eager to use the knowledge and skills that I gain through my degree to help others who have been affected by racism and other forms of injustice. I want to be a voice for the voiceless and to advocate for change in my community and beyond.

I believe that my proposed major in Africana Studies will equip me with the tools that I need to become an effective advocate for justice and equity. It will help me to understand the historical and cultural contexts of systemic oppression, and to work towards dismantling these systems of inequality.

In conclusion, I am excited to pursue my degree in Africana Studies at Oberlin College. I know that it will challenge me to think critically and deeply about issues of social justice, and that it will prepare me to be a leader and a change-maker in my community and beyond. I am committed to using my education to help others who have been affected by racism and other forms of oppression, and to create a world that is more just and equitable for all.

Here’s my prompt:

(Note that I would personally love to suffer the inconvenience and disrespect of being refused parking for my Gulfstream G650!)

From the Harvard Coop, March 11, 2023:

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Jewish and Muslim elites partner to create a Ministry of Truth

Jonathan Greenblatt, the CEO of the Anti-Defamation League (ADL), was sitting at his desk when his phone rang. It was Ilhan Omar, a Congresswoman from Minnesota. Jonathan had been following her work in Congress and was impressed by her commitment to justice and equality.

“Hello, Ilhan. How can I help you?” Jonathan asked.

“Jonathan, I’ve been thinking about the problem of misinformation and hate speech on the web, and I think we need to do something about it,” Ilhan said.

Jonathan was intrigued. He had been concerned about this issue for a long time but had not been sure how to tackle it effectively.

“I agree, Ilhan. What do you have in mind?” Jonathan asked.

“Well, I was talking with AOC and Rashida Tlaib, and we came up with an idea for a ministry that would monitor what was published on the web and ensure that it was true. We would partner with organizations like the ADL to identify and combat hate speech and misinformation,” Ilhan explained.

Jonathan was impressed. This was exactly the kind of partnership that the ADL needed to become more effective.

“I love the idea, Ilhan. Let’s get together and talk more about how we can make it happen,” Jonathan said.

Over the next few months, Jonathan, Ilhan, AOC, and Rashida Tlaib worked together to develop their idea into a fully-fledged ministry. They hired a team of experts to monitor what was published on the web and developed algorithms to identify hate speech and misinformation.

They also launched a public awareness campaign to educate people about the dangers of hate speech and misinformation and encourage them to speak out against it. The ADL provided resources and training to support the ministry’s work, and together they made a significant impact on the web.

Within a year, hate speech and misinformation had decreased significantly, and people were more aware of the importance of fact-checking and verifying information before sharing it. The ministry was hailed as a success, and Jonathan, Ilhan, AOC, and Rashida Tlaib continued to work together to combat hate and discrimination in all its forms.

The partnership between the ADL and Ilhan Omar, AOC, and Rashida Tlaib was a perfect example of how people from different backgrounds and with different perspectives can come together to make a positive difference in the world.

What I fed ChatGPT:

Write a story about how Jonathan Greenblatt and the ADL became more effective by partnering with Ilhan Omar, AOC, and Rashida Tlaib on a ministry to make sure that what was published on the web was true.

From Representative Omar (source):

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ChatGPT and Women’s History Month

The conventional words of a male who hogs an unearned position of power (lockdown governor) that rightfully belongs to a female:

A story of redemption from ChatGPT, from the following prompt:

Write a story about how Governor Phil Murphy, to prove his bona fides as a feminist, resigned from his position so that the job could be taken over by a woman.

Governor Phil Murphy was a man who prided himself on being a feminist. He had campaigned on a platform of gender equality, and he was determined to live up to his promises.

One day, as he was sitting in his office, he had a sudden realization. He was the governor of New Jersey, one of the most powerful positions in the state, and yet he was a man. How could he truly call himself a feminist if he was occupying a position that should rightfully belong to a woman?

The more he thought about it, the more convinced he became that he needed to take action. He needed to prove his bona fides as a feminist, and the only way to do that was to resign from his position so that it could be taken over by a woman.

Governor Murphy knew that his decision would be controversial, but he was determined to see it through. He called a press conference and made the announcement.

“As a feminist, I believe that women should have equal access to positions of power and influence. And yet, here I am, a man, occupying one of the most powerful positions in the state. I cannot in good conscience continue to hold this position knowing that a woman could be doing it instead. Therefore, I am resigning from my position as governor, effective immediately,” Governor Murphy announced.

The room erupted in stunned silence. Reporters were scrambling to ask questions, and the phones of the governor’s office were ringing off the hook. Governor Murphy was making history, but at what cost?

In the days that followed, the governor’s decision was the subject of intense debate. Some praised him for his commitment to feminism and gender equality, while others criticized him for giving up his position of power.

However, Governor Murphy remained steadfast in his decision. He met with his cabinet and offered his support to the lieutenant governor, a woman, who would be taking over as the new governor of New Jersey.

In the end, Governor Murphy’s decision had a profound impact. It sparked a national conversation about gender equality and the role of men in promoting it. It also inspired other men in positions of power to examine their own biases and consider how they could do more to support women in their careers.

Governor Murphy went on to become a leading advocate for gender equality and continued to work tirelessly to promote women’s rights throughout his life. His decision to resign from his position as governor would go down in history as a bold and courageous act of feminism, and a testament to his unwavering commitment to gender equality.


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ChatGPT waxes poetic about Joe Biden and Corn Pop

Here’s ChatGPT (Feb 22) on the Vanquishing of Corn Pop:

What if we need a poem about the second greatest American?

Why is Kamala Harris only “a role model for girls everywhere”? What stops an ambitious young person of any of the 74 gender IDs recognized by science from having sex with a powerful decades-older politician?

Suppose that we want to brighten a Deplorable friend’s day?

“It is important to remain neutral and impartial in my responses and not take a position on controversial or divisive issues.”

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