Best Christmas gift ideas?

What are your best Christmas gift ideas?

If your friend needs to be reminded that Snoopy was gay, how about this rainbow watch from Timex?

Maybe your friend is a university president and wants to know what kinds of plagiarism policies to put in place and whether to organize daily official pro-Palestinian protests. You could give him/her/zir/them a $9,900 gift certificate to this “Harvard Seminar for New Presidents”:

Perhaps your friend is a Democrat and would like a complete collection of videos in which Susanna Gibson stars? “Her Online Sex Life Was Exposed. She Lost Her Election. Now She’s Speaking Out.” (Politico) is curious. The Virginia Democrat was selling access to her streaming videos. Wouldn’t the correct headline be “Her Online Sex Business…”? Amazon was not started as an “online book life”. Carvana is not an “online car life”.

(You don’t want your friend downloading Democrats’ videos via BitTorrent. This can lead to a lawsuit for copyright infringement because, apparently, the BitTorrent system makes it trivial for a publisher to get everyone’s IP addresses.)

What if your friend is a Republican? Make a donation to the Ron DeSantis campaign on his/her/zir/their behalf. (Why the inclusive pronouns? If New Yorkers can chant “Queer, trans, no peace on stolen land!” in a pro-Islamic Resistance Movement (“Hamas”) rally then a member of the 2SLGBTQQIA+ community can be a Republican.)

We’ve been getting a lot of use out of our discontinued Ninja Foodi FD101 pressure cooker (5 quarts, which seems to be sufficient 95 percent of the time with meals for 4-6 people). The upscale replacement is neater because it has just one lid, but it is also kind of huge: the $350 OL701 (8 quarts; Amazon reviews suggest that the innovative lid may not be easy to clean). The manufacturer’s blurb says “steam and crisp at the same time” so maybe it works like a $8,000 built-in steam oven for roasting chicken. Maybe the best option is the FD302, which holds 6.5 quarts and is still available new but is no longer offered on the Ninja web site (so it is actually discontinued?). That’s a taller version of what we have, I think. These have lots of buttons and modes so it is kind of like programming to use them.

Do you need the expensive/huge OL701? Here are some excerpts from the inspiration guide:

Since Americans get less numerate every year, the chicken recipe doesn’t ask the owner to set a target internal temperature, but rather to tell the machine “I’m cooking chicken.”

We’ve used the FD101 every day or two for more than a year and it hasn’t failed, but maybe it will and then we can justify upgrading to this even-more-complex marvel!

Given how much smarter and cheaper these countertop devices are than built-in appliances, I wonder if kitchen designs should be updated. Instead of a huge amount of space devoted to heavy industrial-size industrial-weight built-in appliances, shelves and systems that can facilitate the storage and use of these inexpensive super-intelligent constantly-improving countertop machines. Perhaps keep one big (steam!) oven for the Thanksgiving turkey and 2 or 3 induction burners, one of them super powerful, for cooking pasta. The rest of the kitchen can be optimized for a countertop smart oven/air fryer, a multi-/pressure-cooker, a countertop grill, a purpose-built 700-degree pizza oven, a waffle iron, etc. Maybe the ovens can go on shelves where the built-in double oven used to be, for example.