Narcissism disguised as feminism

by philg

“Does Divorce Make You Hotter?” (Kat Rosenfield, The Free Press):

Five years ago, all my girlfriends suddenly decided to abandon their husbands en masse.

That is how it seemed at the time, at least. It all started when one woman blew up her marriage with one of those affairs so indiscreet that getting found out seemed like not just a risk but the entire point—then landed on her feet with generous alimony and a new boyfriend who was a 24-year-old fitness influencer. A few others, perhaps hoping to replicate her results, followed suit.

I lost touch with these women during the pandemic, so whether it all worked out for them, I couldn’t say; all I remember is that shortly after the last of the breakups, the new divorcées threw a Halloween party at which I was the only woman not wearing lingerie as a costume, and also the only one accompanied by a husband (what can I say? I’ve always liked him). I spent the evening feeling excruciatingly frumpy and middle-aged and also, absurdly, a little left out.

I’ve been thinking lately of that party, those women, the husbands they jettisoned like so much dead weight in a mimetic frenzy of best-life-living. Maybe the men were bad and deserved it, but it strikes me that nobody ever said so. My friends didn’t talk about being unhappily married; they just thought they’d be happier divorced, and no wonder. Even as divorce has retreated from the oft-cited peak rate of 50 percent, its place in the culture has all the urgency and incandescence of a current thing.

What does a successful alimony plaintiff call herself?

a New York Times feature about how Emily Ratajkowski has set off a booming new market for “divorce rings,” refashioned from the wearer’s old wedding band. One of them is engraved with the word badass, a detail I would have found absolutely impossible to believe had it not been accompanied by photographic evidence. … I try to imagine a world in which we’d tell a man that getting divorced made him badass, instead of a schmuck, a deadbeat, a loser who didn’t try hard enough. A world in which divorce rings for men are a thing, let alone one positively written about in The New York Times. It would never happen, of course. It’s only women who are seen as requiring this particular brand of cheerleading, who are relentlessly encouraged to reframe all their negative experiences as the best thing they ever did. … In this vision of feminism, marriage is a trap, divorce is a superpower, and women are not so much people as Strong Female Characters. …

It’s interesting, that last one: women are allegedly made more appealing by divorce, but nobody ever specifies to whom. The feminist cause? The next ex-husband?

The referenced NYT article:

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7 thoughts on “Narcissism disguised as feminism”

  1. “then landed on her feet with generous alimony and a new boyfriend who was a 24-year-old fitness influencer.”

    Didn’t happen…the fitness influencer, I mean (whatever that is).

  2. “Does Divorce Make You Hotter?”

    My advisor taught me that questions in titles should always be answered with a ‘no’. In this case it seems he was right!

    It’s a shame that not even a top model like Emily R. can keep a man, but I think that’s due to a confluence of poor mate choices and swollen egos. Also, actresses, models, artists and so on are not really useful guiding stars to the normal person.

  3. The big thing with millennials was a triangle tattoo symbolizing their ex husband’s 3 kids. It involved putting more skin in the game than a mere ring & their next stud muffins always knew who the real boss was.

  4. https://substack.com/@drummachinebear/note/c-59494390
    Drum Machine Bear
    3d

    Even in my case where there was a legal battle, Vox is completely right. I’m happier and my life has turned out better in every way. Additionally, the courts were actually fair in their decisions regarding my child (your mileage may vary, but just fight and don’t be a coward and things will turn out).

    My wife is ten years younger and a superior woman in every respect to my first wife. The best part? The schadenfreude I’ve enjoyed watching my ex wife destroy her life has been glorious. Seriously. She abandoned a 6’2″ chef, classical pianist, drummer, fit and athletic confident man. What did she end up with?

    A short, bald, Trans man. You can’t make this up. She’s poor, working like a dog, and not making ends meet because I don’t even pay child support since I have our child more than she does. She destroyed her life with a tactical nuke and turned into a caricature of the typical blue haired feminist whale.

    Meanwhile I have 4 more children with my new wife and we have bought a house. We live in the country and I’ve never been happier in all my life. It’s wasn’t easy, but looking back, it’s been one of the most rewarding battles going through my divorce and remarrying.

    The future belongs to the people who show up for it. Either you’ll win big by having a happy marriage your whole life. Or you’ll win big by getting out of a bad marriage and finding someone far better. In either case, marriage is not only worth it, but a completely essential part of a happy life. Get out there and make it happen.

    (a comment on https://substack.com/home/post/p-145555010, “A Word to the Fearful,” which is an interesting, though not universal, perspective)

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