… but not desperate enough to spend time with someone who doesn’t share her love for Kacklin’ Kamala.
What do we see at marrylisa.com?
- 41 years old (also, “Wants marriage and kids within the next 2-3 years with the right man”?)
- Loves cats!
Her “non-negotiable items” include the following:
- Must be Democratic or liberal or left leaning politically.
Preferences for a mate:
- 35-45. Flexible within a year or two at most.
One open question is why she insists on a single gender ID (“a man”). She’s a self-described Bay Area liberal. Why the heteronormativity? Second question: How is she going to produce “kids” (plural) starting at age 44?
In the background:
- Lisa didn’t focus on dating in her 20’s and early 30’s – she prioritized finishing college, starting a career, learning new skills and working on personal development.
Let’s ignore the improper punctuation (should be “20s and early 30s”) and ask whether her life plan made sense. The New York Post article says that Lisa Catalano is “a vintage clothes retailer”. In other words, she could have the job that she has without ever having finished high school, much less having earned a college degree. So she spent the years in which she was most attractive as a mate, plus tons of tuition money and foregone income, to earn a degree that has no value to her at the moment. The result of this plan is that she’s out on Tinder at the age of a normal human grandmother.
Loosely related, “‘Men seem to make life for women worse’: single US women share the woes of dating in 2025” (Guardian):
By 2030, 45% of prime working age women in the US, defined as women aged between 25 and 44, will be single according to Census Bureau historical data and Morgan Stanley forecasts – the largest share in history.
Kellie, 43 [i.e., grandmother age], from Georgia, joined the substantial number of respondents who felt that social media narratives had made dating toxic and pitted men against women.
“I wish I could have met my person before the stupid gender wars, social media and red pill rhetoric that has ruined people’s view of dating and marriage,” she said.
Danielle, 29, a public relations professional from Tennessee, said her future partner would need to be “kind, thoughtful, emotionally available, considerate, reliable, and responsible”, but also “college educated”.
“I’m very disheartened by the shortage of quality men,” she added. “Men my age are less educated, their social skills are abysmal, and now they’re running into the arms of Trump and ‘incel’ forums.”
She doesn’t have a height requirement…so she still might “choo, choo, choose me”? I’m follicle challenged, so probably not. Our neighbor is about 24, and she seems desperate. She kept waving to me until I took my boonie hat off. Then the next time she saw me she screamed, “You are bald…aaaaahhh!” Could be the weed.
Of course, your readers are urgently awaiting an update on Mohammed on Muzz:
https://muzz.com/us/en/blog/muzz/did-mohamed-ever-find-a-wife/
Just registered marrypoorshortbaldking.com — wish me luck.
From the Guardian article.
“Many of the responses were surprisingly similar. The most frequently listed qualities women said they were looking for in a partner were kindness and emotional intelligence, mental and physical health, shared values [i.e., liberalism], ambition and being “hardworking”, financial stability, masculinity and maturity, and a willingness to commit to an equal, monogamous relationship as well as, in many cases, having a family.”
A simple checklist of a mere eleven items, even if they are broadly defined. And what does the woman bring to the table?
[Sarah, 43] “I miss having someone to cook for, to share things with. But now, my motto is: ‘My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if your presence is sweeter than my solitude.’”
There you have it. If worst comes to worst, Phil can direct you to a certain website to ponder.
Monogamy? No Drugs? No older men? It’s clear she’s in Burning Man country
For a reality check Mona Lisa might to go onto Reddit r/rateme. Post a few pictures, then her exhaustive list of “non-negotiables” versus her own assets. My prediction is that she’s going to get a “4-5” (kinda cute but not beautiful, “looks like you grind your teeth”, “don’t do anything to that big beautiful schnozz”), then have to negotiate heavily after reading “The Art of the Deal”. And maybe delete her Reddit post, so her children made with 45+ year old eggs don’t bullied on the short bus.
And that’s a good question, in a time of “Love is Love” why is a Liberal not keeping GLBT (not sure if there is a more modern term) in mind?
As for incels running into the arms of Trump, let’s just say “I’m not that lonely, yet.” Plus, I’m married to a 5’9″ goddess who knows her way around the kitchen, so this is all rhetorical. (I’m looking for a new place to live, and I’m distracted today with reports of terrible crime everywhere in the U.S.)
“terrible crime everywhere in the U.S.”? If we had crime in elite neighborhoods the elites would do something about it! Ergo, almost by definition there is hardly any crime in elite neighborhoods (also no low-skill migrants, which is why an open border is acceptable from an elite point of view).
If we ask ChatGPT “How much does the violent crime rate vary between the safest neighborhoods in Memphis and the most dangerous?” the answer is 117:1.
@phil
Memphis? I saw the biggest rat I there had ever encountered, including my years in NYC, during a Porsche Club meetup. Scarier than all the human low-lifes loitering along the river.
If I was going to live in TN, it would be in temporarily in Nashville. Get an apartment, score a hot, drunk bachelorette, get her AA, then diction lessons for that horrid Southern accent. Wisk her away to an elite neighborhood. Train her to lie and say, “I’m from Greenwich, CT.”
You are, of course, right. It is either live next to a filthy, hypocritical elite and not be able to afford foie gras or live next to a toothless meth-head and sup on squab. I once lived in a 1%-er neighborhood, and the oriental guy next door kept going psychotic and calling the cops on everyone.
I really want to be super-elite and move somewhere like this:
https://www.wyomingnews.com/news/local_news/gov-matt-mead-to-retire-in-albany-county/article_eb7d723e-7770-11e8-b9d4-773e94a057b0.html
Thank you for your attention to this matter.
P.S.
I might be developing a crush on Lisa, so thanks. Her video on dating called for the man to pay, and she only needs occasional really expensive dates. She also craves “intimacy” daily–but that’s what they all say before marriage.
Short King: I didn’t watch Lisa’s video(s)! Now I will have to. Even with “daily intimacy” I have a tough time understanding how a 45-year-old produces multiple children.
Now I’m sorry I teased her so much. This was sad to read:
> Her fiance was terminally ill and after 4 years passed away in late 2023.
Her testimonials were really nice too. She seems a lot less cuckoo than her cohort (no nose rings, rainbow hair, cosplay ears, or full-body tats). Her hair is also really cute. Some guy will be lucky to have her. I really do hope things work out for her, especially in an age where you have to insist on “good hygiene” and “no criminal record, non-violent personality”.
She might consider adopting kids. I don’t think she needs to lower her standards, just her expectations. They teach girls that they can have it all, and life just doesn’t work like that.
Short King: Yes, it is sad that she was engaged to someone who died. However, in the typical human society over the past 4000 years a female was married no later than age 20 (age 9, ideally, under Islam, according to the Hadiths). By contrast, the marrylisa.com site says “Lisa didn’t focus on dating in her 20’s and early 30’s”. So she wasn’t even dating during the years that a normal human female would spend with her husband and children aged up to 15+.
@shortking
Looks like you’re too old for Lisa. She lists her upper limit of 47, which leaves me out, too, at 48.
Elon Musk would also fail to meet Lisa’s standards on the grounds of age because he is 54.
Tough, Elon, but those are the rules.
Phil, you noted that ChatGPT says the delta in the violent crime rate between “the safest” and “most violent” neighborhoods in Memphis is 117:1. It appears you may have reversed the ratio? I just checked with ChatGPT and it says 1:117 (safest:most violent). Also, it says the “most violent” neighborhoods there are comprised of almost entirely Noble Blacks (>90%) and the “safest” are comprised of almost entirely whites Supremacists (>90%). I know many of these AI models are developed by white Supremacists, so are likely very biased, hence I also checked with Grok to see if it was also Racist. Shockingly, it agreed with GhatGPT! What do you make of these Racist AI models?
BMR: Is it wrong to say that there is a 117:1 variation when it is clear that the rate is lower in the safer neighborhoods? ChatGPT actually said “the more dangerous area would have 117 times higher violent crime rate”.
Adjusting for racial demographics is (a) virtuous when the New York Times does it, and (b) racist when a Republican does it!
Philip,
Maybe you are underestimating Lisa. She could have eggs frozen (or she can freeze some asap) and be looking for a guy who can pay for surrogate $200k a pop. On the other hand then it would be smart to extend her age requirements to 55-60, so maybe not.
But also, why this ageism? 60 year old rich guys nowadays with sports and TRT look like 40 year olds, and are way more likely to go for her. In her age group she is only going to get a looser – everyone else is taken.
SK: That’s a good point. If she has enough money to rent billboard space then she has enough money to be attractive to a 35-year-old who wants to spend the rest of his life playing Xbox while she toils away at her vintage clothing store.
It is clear that Lisa isn’t aware of AI — ChatGPT is *exactly* what she is looking for. For physical interaction, a sexual robotic partner could meet that bill.
As for our liberal friends, what’s wrong with Lisa? They say “love is love”, yet they reject those on the right?!
@Tom: “…shared values [i.e., liberalism], ambition and being “hardworking”, financial stability, masculinity and maturity”
Liberalism and masculinity are mutually exclusive.
The determination of seer sucking summer liberals to never settle for less than a doctor/lawyer/executive/Elon never ceases. Their social media is an ocean of doctor husbands.
The talk of marriage shortening female lives & making their lives worse makes lions ponder if it’s because they all picked obese alpha male breadwinners.
Using Math, starting with the axiom min(age^f) = (1/2 age^m) + 7 rule [1] for the minimum age of a woman for men to date, we take the reciprocal (transforming min -> max) and come up with max(age^m) = (age^f – 7) * 2 as the oldest guy she should consider. It is then obvious that a for a woman of 43 (or so)
(43 – 7) * 2 = 72.
So she should be looking for a man < 72. I know this is a peer-reviewed blog, so please feel free to correct me.
My own rule is max(age^f) = (1/2 age^m + 7), but that is getting into my Special Theory of Dating Age, and does not follow the Epsteinian minimum of 9.
[1] A. Einstein's notation for superscripts, not exponentiation, assuming that men (m)/women (f) are contravariant, i.e. age^m === age of a man.
Elise, you sound very interesting (I love your math skills!). What is your age and are you available for someone 72 or younger?
@sleepless
(Damn you must be old if your bedtime is before 7PM EST. More like 82?)
Sorry, honey, I’m taken, I have an Adam’s apple, and not poly–married to my second cousin. You might try Lisa after a few months.
Correction: EinsteinGPT said “take the reciprocal” was incorrect. It should be “rearrange sides and apply unfair rules to older women”. Apologies.
My rule is age^f = vicinity of 25, in order to help the natural formation of a family. (In Jane Austen’s era this value would have been 18.)
I have heard that females put a ceiling at age^m=55, probably for the same reason, though that seems to be somewhat situational. Perhaps Elon has a chance after all.
@Tom
Jane Austen’s brother Henry married their first cousin Eliza in 1797, so back then it helped to be a hot cousin. Men were ranked by their inherited income, like modern times in a way.
It is interesting that you bring Miss Austen up. Lisa’s life bears a certain resemblance to Austen’s. I read all of Austen’s novels in college, hoping to score a lit chick, thinking they would be liberal and overlook [no pun intended] my height. Alas, they had their sights set on 6-6-6 finbros, as someone with a clue would expect.
The weird thing is that I think women are relaxing their age limit. I catch younger women looking at me all the time, although that could be just curiosity about antiques and short kings.
Lisa might be right, a young stud of 35 would likely have higher quality spermatozoa to make up for her eggs getting near their expiry date, but old enough to not still play X-box full time.
> Santa Clara University alum
Admittedly I have lost the war on this one, but the word she should have used is “alumna”. Also, I am not familiar with SCU except that it is the alma mater of Steve Nash, but according to the College Board its SAT Q1-Q3 scores are 1360–1480 with an annual net cost of $49,651. Of course those values are current, not from when Lisa was in school.
As a comparison Stanford’s Q1-Q3 scores are 1510–1570 with an annual net cost of $17,998
You forgot these SCU alumni/alumna/aluminum (in order of importance):
Max Baer, Jr., Jethro in the Beverly Hillbillies
Brandan Eich, creator of JabbaScript and founder of Mozilla
Gavin Newsome, current governor of California
Pat Gelsinger, former CEO of Intel
Janet Napolitano, President of the University of California, former U.S. Secretary of Homeland Security, former governor of Arizona
Leon Panetta, former U.S. Secretary of Defense and Director of C.I.A.
You also forgot also 5′ 5.5″ 36C, which ain’t bad.
@Short King
> You forgot these SCU alumni/alumna/aluminum (in order of importance)
One cannot forget what one doesn’t know in the first place. I would say 5 of the 6 you mentioned would qualify as famous but that doesn’t mean their alma mater is common knowledge
Scarlet: “Where shall I go? What shall I do?”
Rhett: “Frankly my dear I don’t give a damn.’
— Gone with the Wind
Only Wikipedia and ChatGPT really know anything these days. I never heard of SCU in my life, or Steve Nash. Max Baer, I heard of, who ain’t? Didn’t know he wuz colledge edukated, though. Betcha some of them SCU folks have them ceement ponds, like Phil. Lisa probably lives in a studio apartment in SF for $50K per month, possibly with a shared pool area. Even hillbillies know that $17,998 ain’t gonna get you 3 hots and a cot at Stanford for a year. Peace.
@ShortKing: You make a good point about her body. If an American woman somehow makes it to 40 without getting fat, she’s a keeper!
The only Max Baer I know about was a very gifted but lazy and laid back boxing champion, who fought well when he were mad. No USC connections.
@anon
> You make a good point about her body.
The points about her body were made by her, like any good mail order bride, to wit:
5′ 5.5″ tall
130 lbs
36C
Has not had any cosmetic procedures
My wife is 53, but she has many fewer hours than Lisa on the Hobbs meter, at least by other guys, if you know what I’m sayin’. She never wanted kids, she just wanted me. What Lisa wants is a rooster.
As someone in the dating world again she is undatable for the single reason she wants kids. I see a lot of women who, for some reason or another decided to have kids late, and they basically burned all the stops and had a kid immediately after meeting ‘mr right’. The relationship, based on very little foundations, went to pieces because parenthood is hard, and they are back on the merry go round. I wish her luck, but she’d be better off with IVF from a donor, and then taking her time to find someone.
Compare and contrast grim IVF with this (very bad) cheerleader who YOLOs her labor in her student housing.
“Kentucky cheerleader Laken Snelling snapped selfies as she secretly delivered her baby — before allegedly leaving it in a closet as she popped out to grab McDonald’s, according to police.”
The baby died, as one might expect. But apart from that little detail, it seems it’s rather a lot easier to go through pregnancy and labor when you’re young.
https://nypost.com/2025/10/03/us-news/kentucky-cheerleader-laken-snelling-took-selfies-while-giving-birth-then-popped-out-to-grab-mcdonalds/
Tom:
One ponders “what kind of a life would a fetus that was built with McDonald’s bits have?” When they do survive babies like this grow up into:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hawk_tuah
and the cycle repeats. It did cross my mind that, as a liberal, our intrepid self-cupid Lisa might ironically have had an abortion or two while pursuing her dream as a Goodwill attendant. (Not mentioned in her ad.)