The marriage with too much sex, feminist edition

“‘Hypocrite preaching feminist ideals’: Director Joss Whedon’s ex-wife accuses him of cheating” (Washington Post) is a good companion to the sexless marriage post today.

Many applauded him for being a champion of women, a feminist in an industry accused of misogyny and sexism.

That image was challenged by his ex-wife Kai Cole, who wrote an essay in a Hollywood industry blog called the Wrap Sunday accusing him of serially cheating during their 16-year marriage and calling him a “hypocrite preaching feminist ideals.”

“I want to let women know that he is not who he pretends to be,” Cole wrote. “I want the people who worship him to know he is human, and the organizations giving him awards for his feminist work, to think twice in the future about honoring a man who does not practice what he preaches.”

Whedon first gained fame in 1996 when he created the fantasy series “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” … The show and Whedon were lauded for their feminist message.

Women’s rights group Equality Now gave him an award “for his courageous support of women’s right’s” in 2006.

Plainly these two California family court litigants are no longer best friends. However, how can a cheating heterosexual husband be a “feminist” issue? If both the spouse and the extramarital sexual partners identified as “women,” couldn’t it just as easily be characterized as a conflict among women? (see Wikipedia on female intrasexual competition) What is the specific feminist principle that Mr. Whedon might have violated?

Disclaimer: I have not seen Buffer the Vampire Slayer and had never heard of this guy until this article was emailed to me.

Full post, including comments

The sexless marriage

Audible has an included-for-subscribers (a.k.a. “free”) 30-minute piece titled “Sexlessness” where you can listen in on a therapy session run by Esther Perel. This is part a series; see “Esther Perel Lets Us Listen In on Couples’ Secrets” (New Yorker).

The young-by-my-standards couple in this episode met on the Indian dating site Shaadi.com (my local Indian-American friends knew all about this), though they sound American-born. The wife is a physician and uninterested in sex with the husband except for procreation (trying to have a second kid at the time of the session). Otherwise the two adults seem to be compatible and they’re happy with their joint child. Worth listening if you’ve never been married and simply assumed that married people have sex with each other.

As an MIT undergraduate, I took a class led by Evsey Domar, an economics professor who told us assembled youngsters (juniors, seniors, beginning grad students) that romantic love was a bad deal because “you’re giving someone else monopoly power over your happiness.” He was also down on the idea of marriage because you put yourself into a situation where there is only one supplier of love, thus wreaking havoc with the Econ 101 supply and demand curves we’d studied a couple of years earlier. As a 17-year-old I didn’t appreciate that he might have been using “love” as a euphemism for “sex.”

Assuming that Domar was speaking elliptically, here’s an alternative formulation that I’ve heard: “Food and sex are both human needs, right? Would you sign a contract with a local restaurant that you’ll eat every meal there for the rest of your life, regardless of the quality of the meals, the hours of the restaurant, or even if the restaurant decides to close? If not, why would you agree to get married?”

Some recent female statements on married-with-kids life:

  • “I don’t know anyone would get married,” physician-wife in suburban New Jersey, apparently happily married with kids 8 and 10
  • “I can’t for the life of me understand why anyone would want to spend years voluntarily sharing his life with a woman,” business executive-wife in Texas, definitely happily married with 4 kids. She also has a comprehensive theory of marital happiness: “Women make demands of men for various reasons. If you meet too few demands, the woman leaves you. There are men who attempt to too many demands. The problem it’s that the goal line keeps moving further away. To meet every demand, you have to become totally emasculated and controlled by the wife and children. Then the wife learns to loathe you, and she leaves saying you aren’t the man she initially was attracted to. … my husband’s “line” of meeting just enough demands infuriates me. And infuriating women just enough seems to be the key to creating and sustaining sexual attraction. “

The corresponding male perspective?

  • “We’re like two co-workers in a daycare center who occasionally have sex in a closet.”

Circling back to Esther Perel and her Audible series…. There is no way to know if her therapy is effective, but it is interesting to hear the discussion and maybe the entire series should be required listening for anyone contemplating marriage. The FAA makes a pilot learn about the causes of accidents before he or she can get a certificate. Maybe it would be good for engaged couples to study marriages that go in unexpected directions and this series is certainly an easy way to do that.

Related:

Full post, including comments

Should college students from upper-middle income families fly to Las Vegas this weekend and get married?

Our neighbors who are passionate on the topic of climate change are packing up their pavement-melting SUVs to drive their “strong and independent” children to college (where mom and/or dad will unload, unpack, plug in the toaster oven, etc.), then return home to work like slaves to pay for what formerly would have been learned in high school. Let’s assume that 18-22-year-olds who’ve had $500,000 of K-12 education (at taxpayer expense) are not capable of getting themselves to college, so the parents must do the drive. Is it obvious that the parents also have to pay?

A software engineer with middle-school-age children told me that he spends every dime that he earns, immediately selling stock when it is issued to him, for example. “The way that college financial aid is structured, it doesn’t make sense to save unless you’re earning more than hundreds of thousands of dollars per year. Your kids’ colleges will take any savings.”

“Can Married Students Get More Financial Aid Money?” (the nest) says

If you were considered a dependent student — your parents’ financial information was required on the financial aid application — before you tied the knot, that has changed. Married students become financially independent overnight as far as federal student aid is concerned.

as a married student, a higher amount of your assets are protected than with a non-married student. Your EFC will be based on your combined income, assets and student status.

Consider two 18-year-olds. They are starting college next month. Both come from families with $250,000-per-year in combined parental income and are therefore ineligible for a discount off the absurd “rack rates” that colleges post: they don’t have any “need” so they aren’t entitled to “need-based financial aid.” Why don’t they fly to Las Vegas this weekend, get married, tell their colleges that their situation has changed and now they want their financial aid recalculated? At Harvard, they would now be a “family earning less than $65,000” and therefore would get entirely free tuition, fees, room, and board (source).

How challenging would it be to find a mate? There does not seem to be any requirement that they attend the same college or live together. There is no requirement that they be of opposite sexes. So a male college student could marry another male and thus be assured of no liability for child support in the event that his spouse became pregnant at a fraternity event (in at least Massachusetts, children conceived during a marriage generate a 23-year child support entitlement for a plaintiff parent even if the defendant parent was not involved sexually or biologically). After college, or if one of them starts earning big $$, the happy couple takes advantage of the no-fault divorce laws (maybe spend a semester abroad in a European country where it can be done administratively without going to court; or go back to Vegas for a $199 divorce).

There are a lot of families liquidating their savings to pay for college, so I’m thinking that the above plan might not work, but I can’t figure out the flaw. (Of course, for some Americans the idea of marriage has a religious component and they wouldn’t be interested in this procedure for saving $200,000+)

[In this country with the world’s highest proportion of children who don’t live with two parents and therefore with the highest percentage of adults who are entitled by a court order to get child support cash from another adult, one complicating factor in the above plan is that a child’s marriage may result in the loss of the child support cashflow as the marriage makes the child “emancipated.” This can be an important factor in states where children can generate revenue beyond age 18.]

Readers: In our era of colleges shaking parents upside-down for cash while simultaneously offering a free ride to those with the correct paperwork profile, why don’t we see more marriages to form new zero-income “families” for financial aid calculation?

Full post, including comments

Eclipse-viewing lessons

The fly-in, fly-out eclipse-viewing idea (previous post) ended up working reasonably well. Here are some lessons learned from our August 21, 2017 trip…

For viewing the eclipse per se, Celestron EclipSmart 10×42 binoculars were amazing during the partial phase. I lent them out to kids from age 5 up and they just loved them, as did their parents. (Kids were also great at finding the sun through the binoculars, something that eluded most adults, including me!) Totality was enhanced with Zeiss 8×42 Victory binoculars. A camping pad and pillow were helpful for comfortable viewing, though probably tripod-mounted binoculars would be better and, of course, a telescope with equatorial mount is the gold standard (Charles Edward Marsden, an amateur astronomer visiting KSRB (see below), was kind enough to let us look through his rig during the partial phases).

On to the aviation stuff…

Round-the-world hero pilot Matt Guthmiller took his Bonanza down to Tennessee, dropped a passenger, and then treated himself and four passengers to the view from 11,500′ with 24 additional seconds of totality. His advice is to fly as high as practical: “Less traffic, less worry about clouds, above 10,000 MSL with TCAS and talking to approach don’t have to worry as much about everybody else doing the same thing.” The dropped-off passenger was David Spiegel (Instagram: d_spiegel), who made this photo from the ground:

How about using an aircraft to skip out on the $2,000/night motels and traffic jams but still view from the ground? Except maybe for airports close to California, it is virtually impossible to max out an airport’s capacity for parking. Airports with multiple runways occupy so much area that, as long as you’re willing to park on the grass, there is always space. We landed at one of a handful of idiot-proof airports (long runway; precision approaches) within the clearest forecast band in the eastern half of the U.S. Ramp space was by reservation and did fill up a week in advance, but pilots of singles and light twins were invited to park in the grass on the other side of the runway “at their discretion” via a recording on the ASOS.

We started planning on July 12, using a Google Doc (shared in case it is helpful or interesting). We got serious around August 10 when weather forecasts first began to cover August 21 and then contacted a bunch more airports on August 15. We made the near-final “where to go decision” after 8 pm Eastern the night before (new aviation weather comes out at 0Z, 6Z, 12Z, and 18Z; the cloud forecasts are at 3-hour intervals) and confirmed the next morning. We started out thinking that Clarksville, TN would be the likely destination, then shifted to South Carolina (a little closer to us), then shifted back towards eastern Tennessee.

In retrospect, none of this would have been necessary in a four-seat or six-seat airplane. A pilot willing to land on a 3000′ runway would find a huge selection of airports within any weather band. For a jet that needs to stay on pavement or a plane that takes up a lot of space, such as the Pilatus PC-12, it does make sense to make reservations. None of our friends with light airplanes had any trouble landing last-minute in South Carolina or Tennessee.

KSRB in Sparta, Tennessee provided a near-textbook example of how to run one of these events. They sold ramp space with non-refundable deposits. They invited the public to drive in and view from a field next to the ramp. Airport management set up porta potties, brought in a DJ and a food truck, etc. PAX and crew who arrived airside were given wristbands that allowed them to transition freely between the public area and the ramp, packed with about 130 transient aircraft, moving tugs, a medevac Airbus H135 that went in and out a few times, etc. Folks who drove in had to stay off the ramp. We met a lot of quasi-local pilots as well as airborne families from Texas, Florida, and New York.

The airport added a huge complement of extra staff to drive “follow me” trucks, operate tugs, and pump fuel. We were parked and fueled within about 15 minutes after landing. The only thing that the airport could have done differently is ban APUs. It probably didn’t occur to the management that a NetJets Challenger (N726QS) and a G450 crew (N888XY; SexyJet), parked directly in front of the invited public, would run their APUs (crazy noisy small jet engines in the tail, used to generate electricity and run A/C when parked, then used to start the main engines) for hours. “What assholes,” commented one light aircraft pilot. “Douchebags,” said another. I figured “well, maybe the passengers are making them do this,” but then found that the NetJets customers had deplaned and were in lawn chairs near the terminal with their Havanese dog. In other words, the NetJets crew was running the APU for themselves. (The privately owned jets did not abuse their neighbors or the public in this manner. For example, a huge Falcon 900 (N874VT) showed up (loud!) taxied in, and did a complete and immediate shutdown once on the ramp.)

We were able to escape the noise inferno created by NetJets and SexyJet by walking about 1/2 mile to the piston side of the ramp, but the general public did not have this option: “The taxpaying citizens behind the fence are the actual owners of the airport,” said one pilot. “It is like NetJets coming into your house and pissing on the floor.” [Update: A friend who owns an FBO read the above and said “Those NetJets guys do that all the time. They run the APU for hours. They don’t care.” Note that NetJets is owned by Warren Buffet.]

Landing was a little scary for pilots accustomed to busy towered airports or sleepy nontowered airports. The volume of landing traffic in the three hours prior to the eclipse was at times similar to the busiest towered U.S. airports, but with pilots responsible to figure out who else was in the pattern. This on a UNICOM frequency shared with other nearby (and busy) airports. There was a mix of jets with pro crews, experimental (home-built) taildraggers, and boring family airplanes. What kept this reasonably safe is that the airport managers broadcast a “please use Runway 4” on the ASOS. That kept everyone landing in the same direction. And then there are a lot of conventions for traffic patterns published in the FAA’s Aeronautical Information Manual, which every student pilot reads carefully.

NetJets and SexyJet shut down their APUs during totality, which enabled everyone to hear the crowd cheering. For the true Zen experience it would probably be worth trying to get to a wilderness area (in the U.S., anything more than a 1-mile walk from a road!), but I enjoyed being with enthusiastic people and, especially, so many children who were awestruck.

After totality ended, pilots literally fled. The first airplane departed just a few seconds after totality ended. I.e., they had started up before the end of totality. Two more were waiting. There were departures every 30 seconds during the partial eclipse that followed totality. We waited until the end of the eclipse, waited behind three other airplanes, and departed without any conflicts with other aircraft. The airport positioned a couple of spotters near the runway to call out on the radio that they were not observing any landing traffic. (Only an FAA tower controller can clear an aircraft for takeoff so these guys were providing information to pilots, not instructions.)

The FAA did not seem to have prepared in any way for the high traffic. Single controllers were working multiple frequencies, just as on an ordinary weekday. On arrival we were pressured to cancel IFR about 80 miles from the airport and, on the way out, were unable to get VFR advisories until more than 200 miles northeast.

Summary: Whenever a solar eclipse comes through the U.S., viewing is as easy as checking the weather a couple of days in advance and turning the key on a Cessna, Cirrus, or Piper. Not a pilot yet? You have nearly seven years to get your certificate before the April 8, 2024 eclipse. If the weather is clear this will be awesome for folks in the Northeast. The moon’s shadow goes right over Niagara Falls, Burlington, Vermont, and Moosehead Lake in Maine. One idea: Plattsburgh.

More:

Full post, including comments

Did the government actually spend $70 million to run a bank with $34 million on deposit?

“Treasury Ends Obama-Era Retirement Savings Plan” (nytimes):

An Obama-era program that created savings accounts to help more people put away money for retirement is being shut down by the Treasury Department, which deemed the program too expensive.

The 30,000 participants in the program, known as myRA and intended for people who did not have access to workplace savings plans, were sent an email on Friday morning alerting them of the closing.

President Barack Obama ordered the creation of the so-called starter accounts three years ago, and they became available at the end of 2015. Since then, about 20,000 accounts have been opened, with participants contributing a total of $34 million, according to the Treasury; the median account balance was $500.

The program has cost $70 million since 2014, according to the Treasury, and would cost $10 million a year in the future.

So it cost $3,500 per customer to administer a $500 account? And it was going to cost $950 per year going forward to hold onto $500?

Full post, including comments

Peasantry complains about the imperial Gulfstream on an eclipse jaunt

Here’s a fun New York Times article showing an imperial minister’s wife getting out of what seems to be a taxpayer-funded Gulfstream G550 (7 oval windows minus 2 = basic model number for the new series). The article doesn’t explain why someone would want to take a free Gulfstream trip to Kentucky on August 21, 2017, but I am going to guess this was eclipse-related.

As a measure of how times have changed, below is a photo of President Eisenhower’s short-hop Air Force One, an Aero Commander 500.

The twin-piston Aero Commander had a value of about $53,000 in 1962 (classified ad in December 1962 Flying). That’s about $432,000 today, about 1/100th the value of a Gulfstream G550 or 1/10,000th the cost of the latest B747-based Air Force One program.

Related:

 

Full post, including comments

Did you see the Eclipse? How was it?

Dear Readers:

Happy Eclipse Day!

Did you see it? If so, from where and what was it like?

Thanks in advance for comments.

Philip

[Update: After about two weeks of planning and a week of watching cloud forecasts, we flew to KSRB, the Upper Cumberland Regional Airport, in Sparta, Tennessee. The sky was clear for totality and there were just a few clouds passing in front of the partial eclipse, which added interest. They never ran out of grass parking for light aircraft. The pattern was a little crazy for landing, with planes landing every minute or so up right up until the first moments of totality. Then there was a mad rush to take off, with some planes that must actually have started up before totality was over. We waited until the eclipse was completely over and departed behind about four other airplanes (no wake turbulence issues with little airplanes, so departures were every 15-30 seconds). Air Traffic Control was completely unprepared for the event, with single controllers working multiple frequencies per usually. Requests for VFR advisories were denied within about 200 miles of the eclipse path.]

Full post, including comments

Stupid iPhone question: Why can’t it orient photos based on text?

Part of the software expert witness’s job is delving into computer science history. Sometimes the most efficient way to do this is to go to the library and browse among the books (sadly MIT seems to be archiving anything that doesn’t relate to C, Java, or Big Data; books on our home-grown MULTICS operating system are now banished, for example). My note-taking technique is to use my iPhone 7 Plus as a copier: open book, snap photo, turn page, snap photo, put book back on shelf. When I get home I find that a lot of these photos are upside-down. If there is nothing in the photo except for a book page and there is nothing on the book page except for Roman characters, why isn’t the software smart enough to orient the JPEG file correctly?

Full post, including comments

Boston’s reenactment of the Nuremberg Rally

Some folks a scheduled “Free Speech” rally in Boston today. This was characterized by “counter-protesters” (not sure the term is apt, given that the Free Speechers may not have been “protesting”) as Nazi-oriented, hate-oriented, racism-oriented, and/or white supremacist. Here’s my IM exchange with a friend who attended:

  • How was the rally? How many Nazis showed up?
  • dunno. i think just a few dozen people showed up for the whole rally (vs. about 10,000 counter-protesters), but i never saw them. being in a large crowd is not necessarily the best way to know what’s happening at an event

In other words, my friend was protesting people whom he never saw and opposing ideas that he never heard expressed.

As a reenactment of the Nuremberg Rally, it seems as though Boston was a bit short on Nazis.

It is interesting to me that nobody seems to care what the purported Nazis had to say. A New York Times article on the rally provides detail on the “counter-protesters”. There were about 40,000 of them in Boston and their mission was “to denounce racism, white supremacy and Nazism.” They “shouted down their opponents.” But there was no reporting on the number of Nazis and no detail on what they said before they were shouted down.

Shiva Ayyadurai, the inventor of email, was quoted briefly, but no other speaker is even mentioned. (Ayyadurai is running for U.S. Senate against Elizabeth Warren, a race that an MIT friend characterizes as “Indian v. Indian.)

Readers: Did you find a source of information about the speeches that the “protesters” gave? If so, please share!

[Separately, I’m wondering if we run short of Nazis whether some of the counter-protesters will step in to handle both sides of the altercations. Otherwise how can counter-protesters say “We fought against Nazis like those brave souls depicted in the Dunkirk movie”? Related phenomenon: In The Elements of Style, the authors noted that “another segment of society that has constructed a language of its own is business. … Its portentous nouns and verbs invest ordinary events with high adventure, executives walk among toner cartridges, caparisoned like knights. We should tolerate them–every person of spirit wants to ride a white horse. … A good many of the special words of business seem designed more to express the user’s dreams than to express a precise meaning.”]

Full post, including comments

Export market for Confederate-themed statues?

“Subway Tiles That Look Like Confederate Flags to Be Altered” (nytimes) and “Confederate Monuments Are Coming Down Across the United States. Here’s a List.” (nytimes) suggest that there will soon be a lot of used statutes available.

Plainly we don’t want cities to sell them to private citizens to put up in front yards (also need a law to make possession and display of replicas illegal?).

We don’t want to destroy statues due to the effort put in by the artists and, in the case of equestrian statutes, the fact that the horses depicted were not guilty of secessionist or pro-slavery sympathies.

What about an export market? This would help cities with their pension deficits and also ensure that the hated statues are eliminated from the U.S.

The British were fond of pointing out American hypocrisy back in the 18th century, e.g., “How is it that we hear the loudest yelps for liberty among the drivers of negroes?” (Samuel Johnson) Soviets took over this task in the 20th century.

How about a theme park at the end of one of the Moscow subway lines? Visitors would be assured of trains running to the park every minute on weekdays and every two minutes on weekends. Moscow tends to be rather spread out so there should be plenty of space for all of the statues and monuments that we are discarding.

Within the park, a Museum of Empty Words:

  • Room 1: Public school classroom. Animatronic schoolteacher explains to mannequin children (eyes glazed; staring into space) that seceding from Britain was noble while seceding from the Union was traitorous. Countdown clock shows days, hours, and minutes remaining before teacher can retire. Countup clock shows taxpayer pension obligation for the teacher growing (calculated using cost of TIPS).
  • Room 2: Silicon Valley. 1/3-scale three-bedroom house with $3 million pricetag next to the front door. Living room contains pussy hat knitting tools. Sign in front yard advocating for the suburb to be made a sanctuary city for undocumented immigrants. Tableau of childless worker-slave couple turning away immigrant family seeking sanctuary in their spare bedrooms.
  • Room 3: Sundar Pichai declaring Google’s commitment to hearing diverse points of view while simultaneously shoving James Damore into the parking lot.
  • Room 4: FBO. Al Gore and Hillary Clinton on the stairs of their respective chartered Gulfstreams talking about how Americans need to trim CO2 emissions.

Readers: Ideas for additional rooms of the Museum of Empty Words?

Full post, including comments