The Mother of All Christmas Tree Stands

Despite having parents who are variously Jewish and former Soviet, our kids insisted on a Christmas tree this year. I started off with a basic steel American-made stand that required tightening four bolts. The 7′ tree sagged sideways and seemed at risk of being pushed over.

It was time to try German engineering: Krinner Tree Genie Tree Genie XXL Deluxe Christmas Tree Stand. These stands are around $100, which means that Home Depot won’t carry them in the store (Americans refuse to pay up for decent quality!), but I think they’re worth at least double what they cost.

The construction quality of this device is truly awesome. It is designed for trees up to 12′ high and weighs 18 lbs. before 2.5 gallons of water goes in, so the tree is truly rock-solid. No matter what the kids get up to they will not be able to knock a tree down onto Mindy the Crippler.

Everyone who appreciates engineering and Christmas should have one of these!

(Separately, when people ask if the kids speak Russian I reply that “Their Russian is so good that I’m having them call up Vladimir Putin to find out who the next Supreme Court justice will be.)

12 thoughts on “The Mother of All Christmas Tree Stands

  1. Christmas tree mounting technology has undergone a disruption. You now can buy a trivial stand which has a spike in it. Tree dealers will drill a hole for the spike in the bottom of your tree so that the tree is nice and vertical after you stick it on your spike.

  2. Built for 12’ tree? Weighs 18lbs? 2.5gallon base? All these stats are meaningless unless it can pass the real Christmas tree stand test: a cat! Cats are irresistibly drawn to them, and even a small 5lb cat has an amazing ability to climb and topple any Christmas tree (but only at 4 in the morning when it will cause maximum commotion).

  3. A Jewish guy putting up a Christmas tree at his kids’ request and using a German stand? That’s way too easy-going and forgiving!!

  4. Hate to be judgmental but I don’t think it is a good idea for a Jew to try to curry favor with his kids by celebrating Christmas. Sorry.

    • From dictionary.com:

      Old, cranky, and more than a little stubborn, a curmudgeon is the gruff, grey-haired neighbor who refuses to hand out candy at Halloween and shoos away holiday carolers with a “bah humbug!” A word as fickle and stubborn as the type of person it describes.

  5. It’s not truly a Christmas tree without presents under it Christmas morning

    which is probably what the midgets who suggested it had in mind…

    Happy Chanukah!

  6. Misha, Jack: You guys are truly in the https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanukkah spirit. The Maccabees were pretty strict about not wanting local Jews to Hellenize.

    On the other hand, is Christianity a threat to Judaism these days? It does not seem to be observant and believing Christians who are out in front with anti-Israel and anti-Jewish sentiments. Look at https://www.haaretz.com/us-news/.premium-explained-the-women-s-march-anti-semitism-controversy-1.6652829 and see if you can find any Jesus-followers mentioned.

    • The Maccabees claimed kinship with the Spartans (Lacedemonians) through Abraham.

      https://biblehub.com/topical/l/lacedaemonians.htm

      It was the rule of the dynasty of Antiochus, one of Alexander’s generals, that riled the Maccabee clan. The Antiochans wanted to put gymnasiums by the temple (calling into question the validity of Jewish Community Centers everywhere) and restrict the practice of circumcision, which the Greeks considered barbaric. This is chronicled in 1 Maccabees.

      Jesus Christ had no love for the hellenized Saduccees. He criticized the more conservative Pharisees for their hypocrisy, not their zeal, in following the letter of the Mosaic law rather than its spirit.

      Saul of Tarsus, who became the Apostle Paul, jumped through some pretty convoluted theological hoops to end the requirement of circumcision for Christian converts, thus breaking with the main Christian community in Jerusalem, but assuring that Christianity would spread more widely once the requirement to mutilate one’s schlong was dropped.

      My understanding is that the Christmas tree tradition is from pagan Teutonic tribes winter solstice celebration, so your choice of tree stands is fitting.

  7. I think it’s nice that you are celebrating Christmas. I am a jew and we always did Christmas, and also an easter egg hunt.

  8. I was about to write that no sane German would buy ever buy a Christmas tree stand for $100. Then I looked at the page on Amazon and found out that it’s the same model my (German) father in law gave us. I had no idea that it was that expensive….

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