Financial Planning 101, v2.0

Dan had worked 80 hours per week in the family business since finishing high school. Due to the long hours, at age 45 he was still single and still living at home with his father.

His father’s health was failing, unfortunately, and it was clear that the man did not have long to live. Dan knew that he would inherit a fortune upon the death of his father and decided he needed to learn about investing.

One evening, at an meeting run by Morgan Stanley, the presenter asked attendees to talk about what they were hoping to get out of the seminar. Dan said “In a year or two, my father will succumb to his cancer and I will inherit roughly $200 million. I’d like to figure out if index funds are the best option or if, with this size portfolio, there are higher returns available from alternative investments, such as hedge funds and direct ownership of assets.”

Sitting next to him was a beautiful woman in her 20s. She complimented him on his taste in clothing and asked for his business card. Dan was flattered that a woman two decades younger would take an interest in him.

Three weeks later, she became his stepmother.

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7 thoughts on “Financial Planning 101, v2.0

  1. Women live longer than men. It is more likely that the elderly parent would be a widow than a widower — version 2.1 has the daughter looking after her elderly mother. In version 3.0, the daughter gets hit on by an attractive woman, and then her mom announces to her that she is coming out of the closet.

    Version 3.1 involves a turnip, three goats, and an Albanian with three testicles.

  2. Dan needs to attend another seminar on how to prevent the gold-digger from rewriting his father’s will.

  3. To make this woke, she can’t be a gold digger and you have to write a third version. The two of them are at the seminar, the woman is the same, but Dan doesn’t feel flattered or aroused. Instead he’s overcome by an epiphany, grasps her hand and says:

    “I just realized, none of this means anything to me in light of everything that’s happened in the past. My father is going to leave me $200 million, but it won’t help me now. It will help you, though. I realize you don’t know me, and please forgive my forwardness, because this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I want you to stay here, listen to the advice and network with everyone while I go home. You learn this stuff and then, when my father kicks off, we’ll get married in Las Vegas. We can have a chaste, open and brief marriage, and your lawyer can help write my will. Two weeks after my father dies, I’ll kill myself and you can have all the money.”

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