Toaster for Kwanzaa

Happy 5th day of Kwanzaa everyone. Here’s a kinara that a friend designed and 3D-printed:

I can probably get the 3D model from him if you need it for next year.

Inspired by the life of Professor Dr. Dr. Maulana Karenga, Ph.D., Ph.D., the creator of Kwanzaa, I ordered a new Breville toaster oven (“They also were hit on the heads with toasters” — Wikipedia) this week. It would have been nicer to get a Karenga- or Kwanzaa-branded toaster, but the Australians behind Breville apparently aren’t experts on Kujichagulia, Ujima, and Kuumba. I’m pretty sure that they have studied Professor Karenga’s work on Ujamaa (“cooperative economics”) because I have had to cooperate with them on about 6 toasters in 12 years (the function knobs fail, making it tough to switch modes; I paid Amazon for 3 extra years of warranty on this latest one). Our old huge-for-a-countertop Breville air fryer oven still works, though the function knob is touchy, but we’re using it outside to cook fish, etc. The Smart Oven Pro takes up less counter space and is plenty big for most projects. It is not quite as heavy as the air fryer version, but still suitable for traditional Kwanzaa observance (hitting kidnapped women on the head). Due to the small size and low thermal mass, it heats up much faster than your regular kitchen oven(s). I love this toaster oven for everything except… making toast. The bread is much farther from the heating elements so you don’t get the fast perfect browning of a conventional pop-up toaster. Who else bought a toaster this year for Kwanzaa?

Let’s check out the Ministry of Truth at ChatGPT:


The founder of Kwanzaa is Maulana Karenga, who is not a convicted criminal.


In 1971, he was convicted of felony assault, torture, and false imprisonment of women.

(Unclear if there was a specific toaster-related conviction.)

15 thoughts on “Toaster for Kwanzaa

  1. It’s going to be a bad day when Elon gets bored with twitter & declares toaster ovens to be the fundamental necessity for civilization to survive. We’ve come so far since the days of interplanetary colonization being just around the corner.

  2. One of the things I miss most, having moved from the US to the UK, apart from salsa that doesn’t taste like watered-down ketchup and fridges that hold more than 3 thimbles’ worth of stuff, is toaster ovens. They are a rarity in Blighty for some reason, forcing you to use full-size and energy-inefficient ovens to reheat a slice or two of pizza. Perhaps it is the British’s penance for not having invented (or even knowing about) Kwanzaa in the first place.

    I used to have a similar model to the one you listed, and never had any issues with it.

  3. > Who else bought a toaster this year for Kwanzaa?

    I did not buy a toaster for Kwanzaa as I already have a decent (forgot the brand for now) toaster oven. However, since I have an armchair/hobbyist interest in wristwatches, I’d like to report that women may be interested in this “Kwanzaa Red Black Green Kinara Striped Pattern Watch”:

    “Style: Women’s Perfect Square Black Leather Strap Watch With a style that is feminine and chic, the Women’s Perfect Square Leather watch features a gorgeous leather band and a fully customizable face for the most unique timepiece you’ll ever own…Shower proof only 1 year…”

    This way, women can set the watch and know when they’re going to get hit on the head with a toaster, and maybe when their false imprisonment will end.

  4. I went with the Ninja 8-in-1 SP101 model. This thing is amazing. It does everything, air fry, roasting, baking, toasting, etc. Has enough space for a full sized frozen pizza! And you can flip it up to save on counter space. I love this thing. I haven’t used my oven since I got it. The reviews are excellent for it. It is also easy to clean when it is flipped up, as you can access the inside via a door. It is also 1800 watt. If you end up not liking your toaster, give it a try.

    I bought it to save electricity as my 3500W Miele oven is just too expensive to run.

    • Thanks, D-man. As Obama says, if you like your toaster you can keep your toaster and keep hitting your neighbors on their heads with your toaster. That Ninja looks like it might do a better job toasting since a piece of bread in the middle would be closer to the heating elements than with the Breville. On the other hand, the vertically challenged nature of the device means it would be tougher to roast a chicken or bake something tall.

    • Yes, the height difference will limit you. But ask yourself, how often do you roast a chicken or bake something tall? For those rare ocassions then just use your regular oven.
      You probably toast more often than anything else.

      But if you like your toaster you can keep your toaster! 🙂

  5. I can’t wear out my (GE I think, I’m away from home) pop-up toaster. Probably 30 years old, but we only use it occasionally. It’s probably optimal size for assault and heavy by today’s standards, but I haven’t tried it!

  6. If you reply to ChatGPT enough times with truthiness, it will concede that maybe you have a very small point, but the preponderance of the evidence is against you and that most mainstream scientists agree with it. It’s slightly satisfying. It also writes really great poetry.

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