“What Sleeping With Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity” (nytimes) gives some color to the statistic “Only 48% of married women want regular sex after four years.” (Good Housekeeping).
A few years ago, while living in London, I dated married men for companionship … After being married for 23 years, I wanted sex but not a relationship. …
What surprised me was that these husbands weren’t looking to have more sex. They were looking to have any sex.
Maybe the reason some wives aren’t having sex with their husbands is because, as women age, we long for a different kind of sex. I know I did, which is what led me down this path of illicit encounters. After all, nearly as many women are initiating affairs as men.
One thing that is interesting is the author’s (and editors’?) faith in the power of words and conversation:
I am not saying the answer is non-monogamy, which can be rife with risks and unintended entanglements. I believe the answer is honesty and dialogue, no matter how frightening. Lack of sex in marriage is common, and it shouldn’t lead to shame and silence.
In the end, I had to wonder if what these men couldn’t face was something else altogether: hearing why their wives no longer wanted to have sex with them. It’s much easier, after all, to set up an account on Tinder.
One of our neighbors divorced her 50-year-old husband in order to spend more time having sex with her 30-year-old boyfriend (she kept most of the cashflow off the husband’s paycheck, fortunately, as she did not work at all and her new lover was only minimally employed). Would this fit woman in her late 40s have regained her interest in the 50-year-old given some “dialogue”?