New version of the Boeing 787 announced

NORTH CHARLESTON, S.C., Oct. 5, 2018 /PRNewswire/ — Boeing [NYSE:BA] today announces the Christine Blasey Ford Edition 787, for which the launch customer will be United Airlines. The 787 CBFE is equipped with a fainting couch section for Premier 1K members who are terrified of flying.

Due to the weight of the fainting couches, range has been reduced from a class-leading 7,635 nautical miles to 3,500. Kevin McAllister, President and CEO of Boeing Commercial Airplanes, said “The range is still sufficient to fly nonstop from San Francisco to any polygraph location within the continental U.S.”

Since entering service in 2011, the 787 family has flown nearly 280 million passengers while saving an estimated 28.7 billion pounds of fuel. This include United’s 18-hour nonstop L.A.-Singapore route, which has been a popular choice for vacationing aviophobes. “Nothing makes customers who are afraid to fly more comfortable than ETOPS-330 over the Pacific Ocean,” explained Boeing Chief Psychiatry Officer Deborah Swetnick. “They need an escape route, so we put them on an aircraft with two front doors (left and right) and they know that, no matter how long the scheduled flying time, the nearest island with a runway is never more than 330 minutes [5.5 hours] flying time away?”

The company isn’t sure who is paying for what, but hopes that some of the development costs of the 787 CBFE will be defrayed by a GoFundMe campaign.

6 thoughts on “New version of the Boeing 787 announced

  1. How about the 787 “drunken choirboy” version? Can carry more than 100 kegs of beer, has special rooms for booffing, and a modified toilet for a devils triangle. Takeoff is only activated with a drinking game, and you need to blackout to land.

  2. The choirboy version comes with an exclusive club membership that will supply girls as young as thirteen for devil’s triangle flights and provide a guaranteed judgeship. You don’t even have to sell your soul (to the devil)–all that’s required is a promise to hold Donald Trump innocent of everything, and back him in any and every criminal endeavor.

  3. Johnno, zzazz: Kavanaugh lives somewhere in DC, I think, and never mentioned any fear of or interest in flying. So the Kavanaugh Edition object should be something other than an aircraft. Maybe a beach house in Delaware for Beach Week? With a deep basement excavated from the swamp to hold a replica of https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heidelberg_Tun (58,574 gallon capacity)

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