Should we start a matchmaking service between Afghan migrant men and daughters of the righteous?

Photos below of a church in Bethesda, Maryland, one of the nation’s wealthiest neighborhoods (thank you, Big Government!). We learn the preferred pronouns of the minister. Also that Kara Scroggins prefers not to work in person. Worship is via Zoom and YouTube (but there will be growth in the spring and perhaps then, when all is well in the garden, in-person gatherings can resume after a two-year hiatus?

We also learn that the parishioners want us to welcome Afghan refugees, noting that Jesus him/her/zir/theirself was a child refugee (the gender ID of the historical Jesus is unknown; note that the refugee flight into Egypt is “regarded doubtfully by modern scholars”).

Most of the migrants from Afghanistan are men (source), presumably reasonably young and fit since they were the ones who made it to the airport (“Inside the Afghan Evacuation: Rogue Flights, Crowded Tents, Hope and Chaos” (NYT)). Unless these guys want to be celibate, they will need to marry:

Pre-marital sex is absolutely forbidden in Islam, no matter whether it is with a girl-friend or a prostitute. Pre-marital sex is fornication (zina).

They can’t marry Afghan migrant women because the migrant population is now overwhelmingly male. They can’t marry each other in a beautiful rainbow ceremony because homosexual acts are forbidden by Islamic law:

One way of fulfilling the sexual urge which is now becoming acceptable in the Western world is sexual relations between members of the same sex: homosexuality (which by definition includes lesbianism). By saying that it is becoming acceptable in liberal societies I do not mean to say that homosexuality is a 20th century phenomenon; no, not at all.

But there is one big difference between the past and the present: in the past, homosexuality was considered a perverted sexual behavior whereas now it is being labeled as ‘natural’ and as a result of ‘inborn tendency’!

So we see that as far as the Qur’an is concerned, homosexuality is an “indecency,” and that Allah had destroyed a whole nation because of this indecent sexual behavior.

In the Islamic legal system, homosexuality is a punishable crime against the laws of God. In the case of homosexuality between two males, the active partner is to be lashed a hundred times if he is unmarried and killed if he is married; whereas the passive partner is to be killed regardless of his marital status.

Under Islamic law, therefore, they will need to find people who identify as “women” to marry. A lack of integration of Afghanistan into the world air travel network might make it tough for single male refugees to exfiltrate women from the old country (as Syed Rizwan Farook did when he brought Tashfeen Malik over). The simplest solution, therefore, would be women who are already present in the U.S.

Afghan immigrants tend to be the lowest-income migrants in the U.S. (“Challenges to the economic integration of Afghan refugees in the U.S.”). American women are already rejecting median-income American men as not having sufficient income to be desirable (see “Are There Not Enough Men Worth Marrying?” Psychology Today, 9/10/2019; note that, in many states, having sex with an already-married high-income man pays better than a long-term marriage to a medium-income man, so marriage is not an economically rational strategy for a typical woman seeking to maximize her spending power). If native-born American men don’t earn enough for women to want to marry them, what hope is there for a low-skill Afghan migrant?

This is where there is opportunity for our new nonprofit organization. There are righteous Americans, e.g., the parishioners of the North Bethesda United Methodist Church, who say that they want to help Afghan migrants. Presumably, therefore, they’d be delighted to see their daughters going out on dates with, and ultimately marrying, the guys for whom they are praying. We can help facilitate. We could help the guys write their Tinder profiles. We could fund a speed dating night at the North Bethesda United Methodist Church for Afghan migrants and daughters of churchgoers. We could pay for first dates. We could offer to fund a trousseau of burqas for any American Christian woman who decides to marry a migrant and chooses to adhere to her husband’s family’s notions of feminine modesty. We could provide a bride price, using funds raised by Uber and other righteous organizations, in which the woman gets paid the difference between what her Afghan migrant husband earns and what she would have obtained in child support if she’d popped a Clomid and had sex with a married dentist.

Readers: What should this bridge between two cultures be called?

9 thoughts on “Should we start a matchmaking service between Afghan migrant men and daughters of the righteous?

  1. Figure they would buy mail order brides from Russia to bang the afghan men instead of tarnishing righteous democrat women with these men of lower prestige. A few will achieve headlines & sex as the guys who started from nothing & became wealthy lawyers but most will be bringing women from deplorable republican countries.

  2. According to the links you gave, it may be the government’s responsibility to find a bride:

    “Once a person was caught masturbating and was brought to Imam ‘Ali. The Imam punished him by beating on his hands until it turned red; then he made arrangement for his marriage on government’s expenses.”

    This is another aspect that the government could get involved in, it could lose patience with teenagers.

  3. To marry a Muslim man, the girl must convert to Islam — Islam doesn’t allow men to marry women, only virgins and as we all know you can have more than 1 virgin, I mean wife, sorry. Once the girl converts to Islam, she can not pray in a Church. Are the righteous ready to give up this much? I think so, they are giving-in for lockdown and the hijab-mask.

    Btw, if a Muslim girl/women marries a non Muslim man, that’s considered a sink and in Afghanistan and many other Muslim countries, she would be killed and is considered a honorable killing.

  4. We all know that the people paying lip service to caring about this or that will never bare the cost of their ideas. Your thought experiment about how they might do so would be adorable if there were any hope that the costs would not be passed to those who the say-gooders are already dumping their costs on.

  5. And what about migrant from the South? No matchmaking for them? Why aren’t we flying those Southern migrant over rather than having them suffer walking thousands of miles? The say-gooders need to step up their effort.

    “Some 10,000 migrants have gathered under a US-Mexico border bridge over recent days, leading to a growing humanitarian crisis.”

    “The US government has been facing a surge of migrants at the border.
    Earlier this year, it was reported that the number of migrants detained at the US-Mexico border in July exceeded 200,000 for the first time in 21 years, government data shows.
    And last month, the authorities arrested more than 195,000 migrants at the Mexican border, according to government data released on Wednesday.”

  6. > What should this bridge between two cultures be called?

    Afghani Lives Matter (ALM)

    Given that “Afghan immigrants tend to be the lowest-income migrants in the U.S”, it appears we should be prepared to distribute alms these immigrants.

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