Employees from Apple, Microsoft, Amazon, Meta, Google, and NVIDIA meet at Protégé in Palo Alto for dinner.
The Apple COO: “My stock options are worth so much that I’m planning to buy all of the gold currently available on the world market.”
The Microsoft CFO: “My stock grants have gone up so much since Copilot launched that I’m planning to take over the diamond monopoly by purchasing DeBeers.”
The Amazon VP: “AWS Trainium has been knocking it out of the park with people trying to catch the AI wave. I’m going to use my 2025 bonus to buy all of the Class A office buildings and luxury rental high-rises in Brickell and Miami Beach so that I’ll be ready to profit as people from California and Washington continue to flee the high taxes and dysfunction.”
The Meta President: “Even though the metaverse failed, we’re still minting money from people addicted to the Like button. I’m cashing in some of my RSUs to buy all of the oil platforms that are offshore from Angola.”
The Alphabet/Google Chief Investment Officer: “The stock grants that they gave me when I was hired are worth so much that I’m picking up one of the smaller Hawaiian Islands.”
The NVIDIA branch office receptionist slowly finishes her bite of A5 Wagyu, then says, “I’m not selling.”
Happy National Stop Nausea Day to those who are sick with envy!
Re: Envy
There were these two fellars standin’ on a bridge, a-goin’ to the bathroom. One fellar said, “The water’s cold” and the other fellar said, “The water’s deep”. I believe one fella come from Arkansas. Get it?
— Sling Blade
Pretty sure the remaneing employeses are celebrating just having jobs. The S&P is going to be all Elon in a few years & the new companies are going to have a lot less employees. The market doesn’t crash. It only pivots.