Forced charity after a bar mitzvah?
A friend’s son will be celebrating his bar mitzvah soon. His parents have told him that he must give 50 percent of any monetary gifts to charity. He says that he wouldn’t give any of his money away if it were up to him. One of the boy’s current passions is computer gaming. I asked him if there was an option in Grand Theft Auto to give away half of your winnings to charity. Apparently there is not.
What do readers think? Will making a 13-year-old give up his dream of Alienware in favor of choosing a 501(c)(3) make him a better person in the long run? And, if so, what is a charity that a 13-year-old might donate to? (let’s first check the Form 990 at guidestar.org to make sure that the executives don’t earn over $1 million/year)
Could the teenager reduce his tax rate a little by asking guests to give him physical things instead of money? What if he spreads his dream gaming computer across an Amazon wishlist or similar and asks people to buy him one component at a time?
Finally, can we argue that this is important preparation for becoming an adult American? He will have to learn to hand over approximately 50 percent of his income (or up to 90 percent, depending on the state and the judge’s mood, if he has an encounter with the U.S. family law system) going forward. So maybe he needs to learn how to do that cheerfully?
[One of my MIT 1982 classmates had this to say: “My son and I just took care of his donations from his bar mitzvah. We had settled on a more standard 10%. While it’s true that most of our children want for nothing and could easily donate 50% or the whole amount for that matter without missing anything, our practice has been to instill in them the responsibility of always giving 10% per our tradition. We talk about it as a family, they see us do it personally, and he had the benefit of seeing his sisters do the same before him. I would hope that the tzedakah (charity) would be a positive thing and reinforce the notion of a bar mitzvah as joining the ranks of Jewish adults, which of course entails additional responsibilities. And if the 13 year old is set on a gaming laptop, what’s wrong with using some of the gift money and, if that’s insufficient after making the requisite donations, earning the rest through baby-sitting or other age appropriate jobs? I know we struggle with teaching our kids the value of money simply because they’ve never had to learn the hard way.]
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