Florida Republican governor primary candidates: insanity on parade

Early voting has begun for the Florida primary election. I’m registered as a Republican (can’t go back to the Party of Fauci!) and the choices are a little unsettling.

Choosing a governor would be easy if Ron DeSantis had endorsed someone, but the GOAT has kept quiet.

Let’s start with Paul Renner. He attended a liberal arts college, served in the Navy, and then went to University of Florida law school. He was Speaker of the House during part of the DeSantis administration. His campaign web site frankly is either the work of an insane person or, perhaps, a smart person who believes that everyone who reads it is stupid.

Reduce homeowners’ premiums by 20% when the insurance companies don’t make 20% profits currently? (same issue faced by Democrats hoping to be Santa Claus; see The next Florida governor could be an inverse Mamdani Democrat (David Jolly’s plan to steal from renters and give to property owners)) Data centers vs. Florida’s aquifer? Is anyone even proposing massive development of data centers here? In any case, a data center uses roughly the same amount of water as a golf course, of which Florida has nearly 1,300.

“Shift the tax burden to international real estate speculators”? How can that work in most of Florida’s 67 counties? International buyers are supposedly roughly 5% of the total dollar volume in Florida, but they’re heavily concentrated in a handful of counties.

Jay Collins is the current Lieutenant Governor, appointed about a year ago by Ron DeSantis when Jeanette Nuñez left to become head of Florida International University. He has a distinguished military career, including serving as a Green Beret. His campaign site is a little less insane. He wants to exempt a larger amount of homestead residents’ home value from property tax, which I think is a terrible idea (there is already a huge discrepancy between what long-term residents pay and what new arrivals or second-home owners pay because homesteads are taxed at their purchase price plus a maximum of 3% per year appreciation or CPI, whichever is less; DeSantis is at risk of losing his GOAT title, in my view, for trying to further derange Florida’s property tax system via a ballot question in November.).

This seems like a terrible idea for anyone who hates traffic jams:

He promises to lower insurance costs, but not by a specific percentage and mostly via the “tort reforms” (making it tougher to sue insurers and get all legal fees paid) that were enacted in 2022 and actually did bring down premiums:

Next we turn to Byron Donalds, currently in Congress representing some of the world’s richest people (Naples, Sanibel), which is ironic because Wikipedia says that he grew up in Crown Heights, Brooklyn under the care of “his single mother.” His issues page:

“Enact the Trump Agenda”? How is the governor of Florida going to surrender to the Islamic Republic of Iran?

“Make America Great Again”? That actually works against Florida’s interests. What helps Florida is when New York City, Boston, Chicago, San Francisco, and Los Angeles fall apart and/or go into a Fauci-suggested lockdown. If the foregoing centers of American wealth were as nice as West Palm Beach and Sarasota, there would be no reason for rich people to move to Florida.

“taxpayer handouts to illegals”? Florida doesn’t do a lot in this area, I don’t think, other than pay for health care when the undocumented show up at emergency rooms (and how would we cut that off?). The real solution, though, would be to help the undocumented migrate onward to New York and Maskachusetts where they’re guaranteed a taxpayer-funded lifestyle. Donalds doesn’t seem to propose that.

“property insurance crisis”? Maybe we could lose another 10% on premiums if all disputes between homeowners and insurers were moved into a specialized and streamlined resolution system staffed by arbitrators who actually knew something about home construction and repair. Beyond that, though, how is it a “crisis” if rates are higher than in some other states because of hurricane risk? ChatGPT’s estimates of available juice to squeeze from the insurance lemon:

(Look how expensive agents are! Maybe this is an argument for socialism. If there were just one insurance company, run by the state, rates could come down by about 20% because there would be no agents and no underwriting profit! What could go wrong?)

I hate to say that the candidate endorsed by Donald Trump is the least insane of the above, but perhaps he is! Mostly, I’m saddened that the only way to win an election in the U.S. seems to be promising people free stuff, absurd stuff, and impossible stuff. Average IQ in the U.S. is falling, but maybe this isn’t a new phenomenon. After all, when Lyndon Johnson and Congress in the 1960s decided to simultaneously expand the welfare state (Medicaid, Medicare, public housing, food stamps) open the borders (Hart-Celler), that was implicitly a promise that the U.S. would be infinitely rich forever. When FDR and Congress set up Social Security in the 1930s and paid the first beneficiary 1000X what she’d contributed via taxes that was tantamount to a “free lunch” promise.

The choice for Senate is much simpler. DeSantis-appointed fifth-generation Floridian Ashley Moody is the incumbent and everyone seems to like her. (Well, maybe the undocumented don’t like her because she’s in favor of border security and, when that fails, ICE. If she were in the Islamic Republic of Michigan running against Abdulrahman Mohamed El-Sayed she’d probably try to deport him to Egypt.)

DeSantis-appointed Blaise Ingoglia is the incumbent CFO. His opponent wins in the beard department:

Wilton Simpson is running to retain his job as Agriculture Commissioner. I won’t be voting for his opponent, Matt Taylor, because he styles himself “Matt the Welder” and that reminds me of “Graham Platner the Oyster Farmer.” Also, Matt the Welder is opposed to “government aerial mosquito spraying”, according to ChatGPT. One of the great things about our life in Florida has been that we’ve cut our DEET use by 90% compared to when we lived in the Boston suburbs (tick-infested 7 months per year and horrific mosquitos for 3-4 months per year). If Palm Beach County wants to use an Airbus A380 filled with whatever kills mosquitos I am all for it! (see Indigenous Peoples’ Day and the Mosquito for a recommendation of a great book on how horrible this insect is; see also Kill them all (mosquitoes) with genetic engineering and let God sort out the mutant survivors) Note that ChatGPT might be hallucinating/lying. Taylor seems to be hostile to herbicides and perhaps some of his supporters assume that he will also be hostile to insecticides. Regardless, “welder” is too close to “oyster farmer” for comfort, unless of course one is a progressive female looking for some action…

There’s also a race for a judge. Schnelle Tonge v. Jacob Noble. Ms. Tonge is endorsed by a lot of Palm Beach County officials while Mr. Noble is endorsed by the police. Noble seems to have a lot more litigation experience, e.g., he’s admitted to practice at the U.S. Supreme Court, a federal appeals court, and three federal district courts.

Update: I biked over to Florida Atlantic University’s Jupiter (Abacoa) campus and voted early. There was a substantial staff and nobody in line. I was offered the opportunity to use the voting machine, which ultimately prints a paper ballot, in English, Spanish, or Haitian Creole. It seems that, in our infinite political wisdom, we’ve created a huge class of eligible voters (U.S. citizens) who can’t understand the most basic English. ChatGPT explains that someone might be a birthright citizen and never learn English due to being taken back to Haiti or wherever as a baby. The anchor baby returns at age 18, let’s suppose, and decides to vote. We also hand out citizenship to people who are over 50 without requiring them to pass the English test that is normally required for naturalization. Finally, unlike Australia, which bars the entry of the disabled as likely to become a burden on their overstressed health care system, “a qualifying physical or developmental disability or mental impairment can exempt a naturalization applicant from the English requirement.”

Once we’ve filled the United States with citizens who don’t speak English. a federal law requires that we facilitate votes from those completely-disconnected-from-legacy-Americans-by-language citizens. The Voting Rights Act, Section 203:

… citizens of language minorities have been effectively excluded from participation in the electoral process. Among other factors, the denial of the right to vote of such minority group citizens is ordinarily directly related to the unequal educational opportunities afforded them resulting in high illiteracy and low voting participation.

The language minority provisions of the Voting Rights Act require that when a covered state or political subdivision provides registration or voting notices, forms, instructions, assistance, or other materials or information relating to the electoral process, including ballots, it shall provide them in the language of the applicable minority group as well as in the English language.

The requirements of the law are straightforward: all election information that is available in English must also be available in the minority language so that all citizens will have an effective opportunity to register, learn the details of the elections, and cast a free and effective ballot.

There is some discrimination, according to the Justice Department!

Covered language minorities are limited to American Indians, Asian Americans, Alaskan Natives, and Spanish-heritage citizens – the groups that Congress found to have faced barriers in the political process.

Why not Arabic for the noble enrichers of Dearborn, Michigan who’ve brought their parents over? “Chinese” is the second-largest non-English language spoken at home after Spanish (Census), but no provisions are made to facilitate voting by immigrants from China or Chinese anchor babies who’ve recently shown up as adults.

It surprises me that the U.S. hasn’t completely melted down. The lowest-earning 50 percent of eligible voters pay 3 percent of federal income tax (i.e., they receive a 97 percent discount on the federal government services that they can vote to receive; it would make sense for them to vote for a daily federal government delivery of popcorn even if they think they’ll eat it just once per month). We make huge efforts to gather votes from people who aren’t able to speak English, who have a “mental impairment” (I guess that’s consistent with the 100% disabled Graham Platner almost being elected Senator), and who may have lived in the U.S. for only a few months (the anchor-baby-returns-to-birthplace scenario)), and who aren’t interested enough in or informed enough about voting to zip over to the polls (sending out vote-by-mail packages to everyone).