Category: Sports

Tom Brady goes to Heaven

by philg

A Berkeley-based Effective Altruist invested in Sam Bankman-Fried‘s FTX after seeing a promotion for it by Tom Brady. He/she/ze/they becomes angry and lets loose a 15′ alligator inside Brady’s Miami mansion. Brady, unfortunately, cannot be extracted from the beast’s stomach in time.

On arrival in Heaven, God gives Tom Brady a welcome tour and shows him to an already-furnished 2500-square-foot house with white picket fence. There are weather-faded Tampa Bay and New England Patriots flags on either side of the front walk. “Because of your distinguished career,” God says, “you won’t spend eternity in the high-rise apartment blocks like our standard live-gooders. After your third Super Bowl win in 2005 we prepared this single-family home just for you and the hottest subset of your ladyfriends who ultimately arrive. I made sure that Gisele Bündchen’s future home here is all the way on the other side of town.” As they walk around to the back of the house, Brady sees a Jeff Bezos-style mansion two blocks away. Brady and God move toward it. The sidewalks all around the mansion are painted in eternal red and gold. There is a 75′ car dealer-style flagpole in the front yard with a 20×30′ Chiefs flag flapping in a constant 10 mph local wind. The arrowhead-shaped pool has “KC” in red tile on the bottom.

A 7′-high Mahomes #15 jersey hangs above the front porch:

There’s a 15′-high solid gold sculpture of a football in the front yard with a KC logo on the side. There’s a car in the driveway whose body is shaped like a Chiefs helmet (they use Grok in Heaven because ChatGPT did a terrible job):

Every window on the second floor is filled with the display of a jersey of a player on the 2024-25 Kansas City Chiefs team. There’s a private 100-yard regulation football field behind the mansion with the KC logo in the middle and the lushest greenest grass Brady has ever seen. Assisted by cheerleaders, two retrievers who look just like goldens structurally are running around the field. One retriever’s fur is Pantone PMS 186 C to match Chiefs red and the other is Pantone PMS 1235 C to match Chiefs gold. Here’s the best that ChatGPT could do with the vision:

A motor yacht is docked on one side of the house, which has direct access to the Heavenly Lake:

Tom Brady looks back at his own modest house and says, “I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but I won 7 Super Bowls. Patrick Mahomes won only 3. Why will he get this mansion while I will spend eternity in a regular house?” God laughs and says “Sorry for the confusion, Tom, but that’s not Patrick Mahomes’s mansion. It’s my house.”

Readers: Are you watching the Super Bowl this evening? The 6:30 pm Eastern start time is relatively kid-friendly. The half time entertainer is Kendrick Lamar. Here are some excerpts from “Backseat Freestyle”, one of his big hits:

Uh, Martin had a dream
Martin had a dream
Kendrick have a dream
All my life I want money and power
Respect my mind or die from lead shower
I pray my dick get big as the Eiffel Tower
So I can f*ck the world for seventy-two hours
Goddamn I feel amazing, damn I’m in the matrix
My mind is living on cloud nine and this nine is never on vacation
Start up that Maserati and VROOM VROOM! I’m racing
Poppin’ pills in the lobby and I pray they don’t find her naked
And I pray you niggas is hatin’, shooters go after Judas
Jesus Christ if I live life on my knees, ain’t no need to do this
Park it in front of Lueders, next to that Church’s Chicken
All you pussies is losers, all my niggas is winners, screaming

…

Damn I got bitches, damn I got bitches
Damn I got bitches, wifey, girlfriend and mistress
All my life I want money and power
Respect my mind or nigga

I wonder if the Palm Beach County Public Schools would have any issues with our third grader coming in and singing the song that he learned during the Super Bowl…

Related:

  • a West Coast/Davos perspective on how to reverse Climate Change… “Bill Gates says he will never downsize from his mega-mansion with 24 bathrooms — despite being a single empty-nester” (New York Post)
  • “America Is Abandoning DEI. The NFL Remains All-In.” (Wall Street Journal, Feb 6, 2025): Everyone from the federal government to Fortune 500 companies is dialing back their diversity efforts. But America’s most popular sport is standing its ground. … “We got into diversity efforts because we felt it was the right thing for the National Football League, and we’re going to continue to do those efforts,” Goodell said. “We’re not in this because it’s a trend to get into it or a trend to get out of it.” … Yet the NFL is also facing a fresh bout of skepticism about the effectiveness of its own diversity efforts, including the Rooney Rule, a policy established in 2003 that now requires teams to interview at least two minority candidates for important jobs such as coach. [Ed: Who defines “minority”?]
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California represented by a former pimp at the Olympics

by philg

NBC:

A portion of the closing ceremony is dedicated to the host city handover from Paris to Los Angeles, in which Paris Mayor Anne Hidalgo will give the Olympic flag to Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass. … The [Olympics closing] ceremony will feature prominent performers representing California, a nod to the next host city. Rapper Snoop Dogg — who has become a fixture of this year’s Games — will play a role in the handover segment.

(Prejudice against women is so severe all over the world that the handover is from one mayor who identifies as a “woman” to another mayor who identifies as a “woman”?)

I’m a big fan of Snoop Dogg’s performance in Starsky & Hutch, but it seems that he has a colorful past.

From Rolling Stone, “Snoop Lion Opens Up About His Pimp Past”:

When Snoop Dogg called himself a “pimp” back in 2003, he wasn’t joking. “I put an organization together,” the rapper-turned Rasta artist Snoop Lion tells contributing editor Jonah Weiner in the new issue of Rolling Stone. “I did a Playboy tour, and I had a bus follow me with ten bitches on it. I could fire a bitch, fuck a bitch, get a new ho: It was my program. City to city, titty to titty, hotel room to hotel room, athlete to athlete, entertainer to entertainer.”

Unlike most pimps, Snoop says he let his women keep the money. “I’d act like I’d take the money from the bitch, but I’d let her have it,” he says. “It was never about the money; it was about the fascination of being a pimp . . . As a kid I dreamed of being a pimp, I dreamed of having cars and clothes and bitches to match. I said, ‘Fuck it – I’m finna do it.’”

The above statements get bowdlerized in OregonLive:

The rapper-turned-Rasta artist formerly known as Snoop Dogg tells Rolling Stone he fulfilled a life’s ambition by becoming a pimp — yes, literally — a decade ago.

“I’d act like I’d take the money from the (prostitute), but I’d let her have it,” he says. “It was never about the money; it was about the fascination of being a pimp. … As a kid I dreamed of being a pimp.”

It’s an interesting reflection of current American social mores that Snoop Dogg’s involvement in the world’s oldest profession didn’t motivated Los Angeles officials to find a somewhat less colorful representative.

Readers: What were your favorite Olympics sports/moments this year and what should we watch on Peacock Premium Plus before we cancel the subscription that we started a couple of weeks ago? Our kids so far have enjoyed rugby, equestrian eventing (running horses through the country), breaking, synchronized diving, BMX, volleyball, tennis (Djokovic!), table tennis, and the transition from swimming to biking in the triathlon.

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Science denier wins Olympic gold by identifying as a woman

by philg

“Novak Djokovic defeats Carlos Alcaraz for first Olympic gold medal” (NBC):

He had tried five times to win the gold, failing each time. … The two sets played had to go into a tiebreaker, which was neck and neck the entire way. During the first set, there were 13 unsuccessful break points. The match lasted nearly three hours, an eternity for earning the best two sets out of three.

A three-set match? That’s typically for tennis players who identify as “women”. Thus, it seems fair to say that Djokovic, who has repeatedly denied Science by refusing to be injected with a Scientifically-proven vaccine against COVID-19, won gold due to switching gender IDs. (It would have been easier if Spanish prodigy Carlos Alcaraz hadn’t also changed gender IDs.)

Related:

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Formula Joe Biden race series?

by philg

As previously noted, the Miami F1 event featured a race in which drivers who weren’t as good as the F1 drivers were nonetheless featured due to a personal characteristic (gender ID). How about a series in which a different personal characteristic is used to restrict who may compete: age? For drivers who are at least 80 years old… Formula Joe Biden (FJB). Because Joe Biden loves the 1967 Chevrolet Corvette (photo below is from “Joe Biden and Colin Powell drag race their ’67 and 2015 Corvettes”), the FJB series would put every driver into a C8 Corvette. Some of the drivers might suffer from slow reflexes, so the Corvettes would be restricted to “teen driver mode”.

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Miami Grand Prix experience (the “Heat Stroke F1”)

by philg

Formula 1 is an all-day three-day event. Consequently, a seat in a grandstand will become more like a prison after a while, unlike if you were attending a 2-hour game. In Las Vegas (see Nine minutes of Formula 1 glory at the Las Vegas Grand Prix) our ticket gave us access only to a small area where we could get food, use the waterless porta-potties, or walk to the grandstand. In Miami, a standard ticket gives the holder access to an entire campus (albeit only one grandstand) and thus there is a lot more to see and do. having the massive football stadium at the center of the campus is valuable because it is possible to ride an escalator up to the third floor of the stadium, walk around, see the track from above, eat from a non-temporary kitchen, use a non-temporary bathroom, etc. (Even the temporary rest room facilities in Miami, unlike in Vegas, were water-based and had water for handwashing.)

Despite my fears of being roasted and steamed to death, the weather forecast for the weekend was highs of 83 degrees and partly cloudy.

Given the inevitability of traffic and high-cost parking, the obvious way to get to the event is Lyft/Uber to the front door. However, it turns out that these services dump people a 20-minute walk from the stadium on big event days and may not be easy to find afterwards. I paid $84 for a resale Saturday-only parking ticket on the north side of the stadium, of which $25 was in SeatGeek fees:

I told my companion “I guarantee that, after parking, we will walk by businesses and individuals selling parking for less than half of what we paid.” Sure enough, the modest neighborhood to the north of the stadium had families selling driveway parking for $35-50 (see below). Lot 34 still ended up being a good choice because they open an exit at the NW corner. Although we left at the precise peak time, right after the final qualifying round, we didn’t wait to get out of the parking lot and suffered through no more than about 10 minutes of additional traffic compared to a best-case scenario.

It was a 20-minute walk to the entrance gate from Lot 34. If one were headed back toward Miami, probably the smart thing to do would be independent parking on the south side of the stadium (lots of businesses there with big lots) and, if departing at a peak time, stop at a restaurant for dinner before heading out on the road.

Security check (no bags or food allowed, basically, and we heard some vague mumbling about camera lenses no longer than 6 inches) and ticket check was quick. Bring in a sealed bottle of water and then there are free refill stations all over the venue. Also bring earplugs for the Porsche races and for the F1 qualifying (you can just put your fingers in your ears as the pack of cars goes by in an F1 race).

I was instructed to pick some drivers to root for. After hearing their biographies, I decided that my loyalties are to Logan Sargeant, a 23-year-old Floridian who drives for Williams, Yuki Tsunoda, a 23-year-old from Japan who drives for Red Bull’s second team (“RB”) because I love Japan, and Max Verstappen, the 26-year-old champion who reminds me of my Dutch friend Max (he’s against big government and low-skill migrants).

The “West Campus” features about 15 restaurants and a popular F1 merchandise store. People actually waited in line for the chance to buy $75-100 T-shirts:

The shopper in the middle photo told me that everything is cheaper online and, in fact, the orange T-shirt above for which people were paying $75 at the event was quoted at $42, not on sale, on the official F1 store web site. The $80 black shirt, however, wasn’t available online when I checked, so maybe that’s why people are desperate to shop at the event. The truly great hat shown below wasn’t for sale:

There was quite a bit of shaded seating for eating and drinking. My Twitter post, which nobody thought was funny:

Here’s a view of the grandstand taken from the 3rd floor of the stadium:

Our Turn 18 grandstand seats ($180 resale plus a forest of fees) weren’t all that interesting. We never saw a change in position, an accident, or anything else other than people decelerate (far away) and then come slowly out of tight turn (close). Row M is the best in this grandstand due to being shaded and yet just in front of the columns that hold up the shade structure. Later in the day, at least six rows below M will also be shaded on the west side of the grandstand. Here are photos at noon showing that L and M are shaded followed by two photos at 4 pm showing that the west part of the grandstand has a much more favorable angle than the east part (by 2 pm, even row I was shaded on the west side):

The aviation story for the event is a temporary flight restriction from 0-1000′, which is perhaps just as well considering the proximity of 1050′-high towers right next to the stadium.

An AStar (“Airbus H130”) flew tight maneuvers, often substantially sideways, over the more important races. I’m surprised that this made more sense than using drones to get dramatic aerial footage of the race. A drone operator on top of the stadium would have been able to see the aircraft at all times and a camera operator could have manipulated the camera angle. Maybe the camera in the ball underneath the AStar can be heavier, but is a huge sensor and lens necessary for taking pictures under the bright Miami skies? A Robinson R44 also flew over the course from time to time and the Hard Rock’s Sikorsky S-76 ferried VIPs in and out. I’m sure the folks in the AStar got some better images that we did from our seats! iPhone at “3X”:

I’m not sure why Ferrari wants to participate in Formula 1. Isn’t the main take-away “A beverage company makes faster cars than we do and, also, quite a few cans of energy drinks”? Also, the Ferrari team is now sponsored by HP, which leads to a color clash and confusion in my brain. Why do tech companies get so much value out of F1 sponsorship? Shouldn’t it be consumer products companies that could get the most return on investment? How many people at a Formula 1 event are in the market for something from Oracle, Cisco, or HP? Who decides to use Oracle instead of SAP or SQL Server because Oracle sponsors the Red Bull team?

The restricted-by-gender-ID “F1 Academy” race was more exciting than the standard F1 open-to-all-genders events. The drivers all have the same car model and, therefore, nobody has a technical advantage. This makes it tougher to forecast the winner in advance. The lack of experience among the female-identifying drivers also makes the race more exciting. In the 13-lap race that we saw (drivers who fail to identify as “women” are forced to race for 19 laps (sprint) or 57 laps (full F1 race)), there were stalls during the start (failure to use manual transmission properly), sideways departures from the track in curves, and at least one crash against the side wall (nobody injured, fortunately). Despite the low level of experience among the drivers, big companies such as Cisco and Google pour in sponsorship money. The announcers give the drivers credit for every action, even if the action is a mistake, and note that “they’re learning so much.” Chloe Chambers, age 19 and born in China, was given credit for being adopted and also for living in a “multi-racial” family. Wikipedia says that in an all-gender Formula 4 contest she finished #26 (perhaps she was the top driver who identified as “female”?). Drivers who don’t identify as “female” at the Formula 4 level would be lucky to enjoy 100 spectators at an event, but the “F1 Academy” race was watched by tens of thousands, sandwiched as it was between all-gender F1 events.

The lines for food seem to get long from 1-3 pm as fan hunger overpowers resistance to paying $30 per person for lunch. Here’s the line for $23 personal-size pizza:

Frosted lemonade was $12, a burger $20, and tacos were $10 each. As noted above, the ability to walk around inside the stadium is valuable and offers fun views of racing and the fan zones:

Some car dealers brought their wares. Here’s a Koenigsegg:

Some porn for Californians from the drive back… gasoline at $3.46/gallon right next to the Palm Beach International Airport:

It was a good day and wasn’t too brutal for either sun or noise, but I wouldn’t have wanted to go back the next day for the real race (better to watch on TV). Although the crowds were managed well, it was still a crowded environment from the moment you left your car to the moment you got back. One day wasn’t quite long enough to explore all of the fan areas, but it was still enough for one year. Maybe I would feel differently if they used a Honda Odyssey as a pace car.

The Apple Watch’s summary of the event:

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Meet at the Miami Grand Prix (F1 race)?

by philg

Who wants to meet at the Miami F1 race, sort of, on Saturday, May 5? This is one day before the “big race” that rich people are desperate to see. There are a lot of events throughout the day, including a spring race, the F1 Academy (from which 73 genders recognized by Science are excluded and this exclusion is the epitome of social justice), and some Porsche racing.

The official F1 site sells only 3-day tickets. A lot of buyers, however, don’t want to show up on Friday and Saturday. Individual days thus show up as verified resale on Ticketmaster. A “campus pass” that lets you walk around is about $120 and a ticket in a grandstand is $200-300 (this also includes the right to wander).

Given the often-brutal Miami heat and sun, I picked tickets in the Turn 18 grandstand. This has its back to the sun and rows beyond about N are shaded (our tickets are in Q). [Post-race update: M is the best row! It is in front of the columns that hold up the shade roof but is still completely shaded. Some of the rows below M also are well-shaded, particularly on the west side of the Turn 18 grandstand, as the afternoon develops.] It has views of cars braking out of the longest/fastest straight and then navigating a couple of turns. The one knock against this grandstand is that it might be a long walk to the Fountains and Promenade areas. The Marina grandstands might be better for taking that one perfect photo of a race car in front of boats, but I don’t think the cars are moving as fast in this area.

It looks as though parking passes are sold on SeatGeek and VividSeats. I’m thinking that traffic won’t be terrible on Saturday because people will arrive gradually and also leave gradually depending on which of the events they’re interested in. On Sunday, by contrast, there is literally nothing on the schedule after the 6 pm finish of the Grand Prix per se (which I’d rather see on television so that I would have a chance of understanding it) and, therefore, there will be a mad rush for the exits.

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The Heat Stroke World Cup (TM) in Miami 2026?

by philg

The mostly corruption-free folks at FIFA say that seven World Cup 2026 matches will be played in Miami (source):

How will this work given that the World Cup is set for JULY? All the games will be at night? They’ll accept a 70 percent player attribution rate due to heat stroke? My bet is that the games are scheduled for 8 pm in Europe, which means 2 pm in Miami. This will maximize TV viewership.

(Miami isn’t actually hotter than many northern cities in July, but the humidity is reliably close to 100 percent. In fact, the New York Times says that Floridians are constantly on the verge of “extreme danger”. See Floridians brave Extreme Danger heat levels (July 2023), for example. And, as a loyal follower of The Science, I wouldn’t pay to sit outdoors on a summer afternoon in Miami and watch soccer, Taylor Swift, or anything else that people pay big $$ to watch. The Formula 1 spectators apparently don’t care. The Miami race is held in May during the hottest hours of the day and sells out.)

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For whom do we root in the Super Bowl? A Pfizer COVID vaccine shill or a whole city of coerced vaccination, forced masking, and school closure?

by philg

Today is the Super Bowl. On one side we have junk vaccine profiteer Travis Kelce, paid a reported $20 million to promote Pfizer COVID-19 vaccines (recently shown to have zero effect on death rate among those who’ve previously made it through a SARS-CoV-2 infection; see “Effectiveness of a fourth SARS-CoV-2 vaccine dose in previously infected individuals from Austria”). On the other side we have a team from San Francisco, renowned for its muscular 1.5-year public school closures, forced masking, coerced vaccinations (meekly accepted by everyone except In-N-Out), etc.

“We refuse to become the vaccination police for any government,” Arnie Wensinger, [In-N-Out’s] chief legal and business officer, said in a statement. “It is unreasonable, invasive and unsafe to force our restaurant associates to segregate customers into those who may be served and those who may not.”

Our neighborhood is having a party on the green where the kids play every afternoon. The HOA will run a couple of cables from the clubhouse/gym and project the game on an inflatable outdoor screen.

For whom should an anti-coronapanic and anti-Covidcrat American root?

Related:

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New York-based journalists identify the world’s best soccer player

by philg

“She Was the World’s Best Player. Now She Won’t Play Soccer Again.” (WSJ, January 19, 2024):

The Wall Street Journal reporter and editors determined that this player was, prior to the unfortunate injury, a better player than Lionel Messi or Cristiano Ronaldo. Here’s the reporter’s biography:

Related:

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Nine minutes of Formula 1 glory at the Las Vegas Grand Prix

by philg

This is a report on the spectator experience at the Thursday evening Formula 1 practice session in Las Vegas 2023.

My friends had $1,500 three-day tickets in the West Harmon bleachers (the cheapest seats; the average price paid was, supposedly, $7,000). One week prior, I bought a Thursday night resale ticket for $180 plus $35 in Ticketmaster fees, managing to get into the same row as my friends.

The obvious hotels were Planet Hollywood, Paris, and Horseshoe, which are walking distance from the West Harmon entrance. These were available in the $100/night range (plus fees!). However, I was concerned that my flight from Burbank, California might be late and didn’t think that it would be possible to get from the airport to a hotel inside the track after 7 pm. (In fact, we saw cars and taxis going in and out continuously. There is at least one temporary bridge that was built over the track to allow access to hotel-casinos inside the track.) I booked a Hilton near the convention center for a slightly higher price and took the monorail with my friends.

How could hotel rooms during this event have become so cheap? Las Vegas has roughly 150,000 hotel rooms. “F1 claims a healthy 315,000 fans attended the grand prix over four days” (ESPN). That’s only about 100,000 people on any given day. If the predicted traffic and hassles scared off non-F1 tourists, the inevitable result was a lot of empty rooms.

The F1 hype began at the airport:

Our ticket enabled us to go in at 6 pm and begin eating the included Wolfgang Puck food and drinking the included non-alcoholic beverages. We arrived just after 7 pm to poke around the fan environment. A big screen displayed a pre-race TV show. There were a few fun activities for fans, but most had long lines. The food options included a weak hot dog, too-far-from-the-grill grilled cheese, a strange dry ramen box, chicken and waffles (cultural appropriation? they were good in any case), a purportedly Chinese-style chicken salad (more cultural appropriation), cider donuts (terrible), and churros (did not try). Lines for food were reasonable to non-existent. There were huge lines at the store until quite late:

Our bleacher seats had a good view, but the legroom was tight for anyone over 5’6″. The temperature was about 55 degrees. Here is what it looks like (1) walking up the stairs (note portapotties in the background; they really needed people to perform hourly cleanings on what became disgusting environments), (2) the (distant) environment for the rich and famous, and (3) the view of the track from near the top of our bleachers (we were actually sitting quite a bit closer).

When the cars began zooming by at 8:30 pm, it was impressive to see the showers of sparks from cars scraping minor bumps in the road in front of us. At around 8:39, however, the race was halted because, we were told, a manhole cover’s concrete frame had failed. I was deeply confused by this because the course is on a public street. If trucks drive over the manhole daily and don’t break it, how could an 1,800 lb. F1 car, even with a downforce multiplier, break it? I haven’t figured out the full story. The F1 folks say that a concrete frame failed, but not whether it was a new concrete frame installed for the race or the standard frame put in some years ago by the city. I think that the answer to the “why didn’t it fail when a truck drove over it a week ago?” question might be that the F1 car broke the cover/frame with force in the opposite direction. I.e., the cover was sucked up rather than pushed down. This is a force direction for which manhole covers aren’t normally engineered.

The second practice was scheduled for midnight. Quite a few people stayed to drink $12 beers and $39 LED-lit trophy-style glasses of booze:

We walked out to the nearby Horseshoe casino (formerly Bally’s) and relaxed. Even with the track being hot, people were getting in/out via taxi:

My friends went back to their apartment around 11 pm. They were unconvinced that the midnight practice would happen on schedule and were planning to return for Friday and Saturday. I decided to reenter the fan zone. The monitors displayed messages saying that there would be an update soon. There was no longer a line for podium photos, so I got a picture to take credit for winning the race on the damaged track via rugged Honda Odyssey:

At 12:30 am, the monitors promised that the next practice session would start at 2:00 am. I bailed out because I needed to get on an 11:20 am flight from LAS. What happened to the diehard fans who stayed? The organizers kicked them out of their seats at 1:30 am, then ran the practice beginning at 2:30 am with no spectators. It was like a CIA torture scheme in which the enemy is kept awake for hours and then denied what was promised.

I’m glad that I didn’t buy anything at the store because everyone received a follow-up apology email from the F1 folks with a $200 coupon for merchandise as compensation for the missed hours of racing action. Which two hats will I be able to get with this $200 coupon plus $50 for tax and shipping?

The next day I went past the Greenspun College for Urban Affairs and very nearly found the DEI gates:

Inside the terminal, I found Sainz’s car after the manhole cover encounter:

Would I go back? Even with the monitors provided, it was much more confusing to try to follow the race live compared to watching on TV and having things explained. For Jho Low types who don’t mind spending $10,000+ on a three-day ticket, I’m sure that the luxury zone with pit tours is fun and comfortable. It’s a permanent building so probably they have some decent bathrooms at least. I guess it would be worth it if you’re plugged into the international set of other people to whom $10,000 is pocket change and the event would be a chance to see a lot of your friends.

For everyone else, perhaps a last-minute ticket to the Friday evening event would make sense followed by watching the main race on TV in order to (a) save money, and (b) learn what was happening. It is straightforward to go in and out by monorail. If there is a long gap between races, it is easy to go out of the event, find a relaxing place to sit at a restaurant or in a casino bar, and then return.

Readers: Who understands the mechanism via which the manhole cover failed? Also, who enjoyed watching the race on TV?

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